In Search of Eden


Is it possible to return to Eden? Of course in metaphor, yet in actions what would it take to return to a state of harmony? There is so much discord all around. We have moral compass points some follow, and for some they are outright immoral in their actions bobbing along never fully cognizant of charting their course through life, or worse yet choosing a nefarious path, come what may. Then it seems we have so many who get caught in a view that is amoral, not choosing to assign any path to a right or wrong way of being.

Will morality point us in the proper direction to find states of harmony, and could the compass points of morality embody the way of truth that could entice the human mind to follow in the direction of human accord in conscious thoughts and ways of being, given even within spiritual doctrines, many espouse the divisions and perpetuate hate? It really is a moral dilemma to contemplate. The amoral individual often finds oneself in a state of nihilism retreating from cause and effect, yet still affected by it no matter the cognitive rejection or perchance denial of such. The immoral individual is a beast unto itself, and their acts unfortunately have great capacity to sow seeds of discord and damage and destroy any chance of harmony in the lives they influence and impact.


What would it take for us to all be of one mind, a unified mind to create, and perpetuate actions that lead to harmony and accord in the conditions manifested in this life? Certainly philosophers, and theosophists have been seeking these answers for centuries. Are the answers found within the 10 simple and basic commandments, that all have broken? There is an irony to evaluate them for their simplicity in coming to understand the complexity within them, as all have failed to live them all, in their actions. Inherit in their directive is a tragedy to realize we all fall short, and perchance that is why so many just put them away from contemplation. Does it take on a turn of karma to be mindful of? Does being cognizant of karma spur us to accept a notion to be careful what we do in general in order to assist us to consciously choose to do no harm? Are we not even reminded in karma to be fearful of actions that may come back to visit us? Is it in the notion of a Zen like state we should aspire to rise above the conditions of the world in hopes to derive into an ascended way of being? In Crossing the Threshold of Hope, even John Paul II stated that some beliefs espouse the world as negative but not one to necessarily transcend in hopes to be removed from evil but one to be saved from through accepting Christianity, and in that process the world is not a bad or evil place to have to seek ascension from. Is practicing the golden rule the way to bliss? When all around us we have so many divisive energies and minds and all manner of intellects screaming to be heard; it is so hard to know at times which way to turn and which voices to heed in this sojourn here on Earth while we all inhabit the dross of the flesh that has its needs.

Does our spirit go inward, and find the silence of our heart to listen to its direction? Yet, if a heart is ensnared in amorality or immorality or duplicitous morality , what good would that do such individuals who are somehow devoid of combining the heart and intellect in one accord to seek peace, and harmony, and seek to offer that in all their dealings? Where is the poison to our spirits in this world coming from? Is it within us these poisons exist all along, and our charge in life is to learn to recognize and extract them from ourselves, or is it something external we have the capacity to draw into us at any given point in time, and by default allow them to direct our motives? Is there an age of reason where individuals must wrestle with the choices before themselves, and learn to discern how to think, and operate in the energy manifestations they put forth and align with to take responsibility for?

Can we ever return to a garden where all our mind, body and spirit needs can be met? Did we lose it forever, as is suggested in Paradise Lost by John Milton? Is this a place that never can exist again? I tend to think there has to be a conscious way of being that employs a universal wisdom and standard of knowing and awareness to help us all come to understand certain actions will lead to consequences where the outcome of our acts will lead us either into discord or lead us into accord. Not to get mired in a duality, for a divided mind is an unstable mind, yet to recognize, when we err to make amends to change course to make conscious choices in hopes to create an Eden in our lives. Is it really up to us to either make a Heaven or a Hell out of our affairs, and our conditions in this life? Of course we do not live in a vacuum, and others have the capacity to affect us, yet what must humanity do at an individual and collective level, to raise the bar of intellect to get people to become conscious of their contributions to the whole of the sociological relations affecting us all?

For me I tend to think I do not want to be unequally yoked to those who follow immoral and amoral compass points, as well as those caught up defending  a false morality of sorts that creates contentions and strife. It seems to me the immoral and the amoral make good bedfellows, yet the truly moral minded in purity of thought with either the amoral or immoral will suffer discontent. For where there is amorality and immorality that tends to be all that is left ultimately in the wake of those actions, a suffering and discontent where disharmonious conditions are dynamically in flux and self generating as a result. Certainly to know that can be the impetus to avoid such ways of being, yet why do so many not see this, and continue to act in amoral and immoral ways?

Is there merit in raising our awareness at an individual level in hopes to raise the collective consciousness not only to be found within ourselves but as an aim to impart an enlightened way of being to those all around us? Could harmony be found in elevated ways within those whose connections between heart and mind drive their intellect? Do individuals resonate with the energies they create and manifest, and if so, how does that shape the energy around them and that they send out into the quantum fields around us all? After all our thoughts are electric and magnetic, are they not?

I think it may be possible to resonate at such a high frequency where harmony and accord can be achieved. Perchance a message inherit in spiritual directives to seek to be in divine accord would by default raise the vibratory consciousness to see things at an enlightened level of awareness. I also tend to think the more waves of this energy manifested, at a quantum level, it is radiated outward from the source, all the while being in source. I think in some respects part of the collective consciousness is a constructive wave interference where harmony abounds, and perchance within such a state glimpses of  Eden can be found. For the source of this energy can be found within us all and all around us, and maybe it just takes a conscious effort for us to develop a connection with the divine source within us, in order for us to be found within the realm where divine source exists all around. Could we raise our energy and vibratory frequencies to come in sync with the divine supernatural waves immortal and eternal found all around, and could this journey lead us to be found within the garden gates?


Just thoughts today….1/13/2018

Note: I told a friend the other day I think I’d rather be an Edenist than a Hedonist, as I was trying to get them to think about their past hedonist ways and consequences of those ways that manifested in their life by encouraging them to introspect and to reflect. I’m making up words again in the use of the term that came to mind to be called Edenist!

Another related piece: Hedonism


Just a note on experiences…

After I separated in 1996 and divorced in 1999, I have had some very interesting experiences and relationships. I had been married for 17 years and in the relationship for 20 years, and at the time of divorce my ex was a VP for a publishing company. I made a deliberate decision to shy away from dating anyone who was wealthy. I never wanted money lorded over me and my decisions. I had struggled to leave the marriage for about 5 years, as I had always been a dependent during that time, and was not sure I could make it on my own. There were major issues, that had to be faced that would not go away. I ended up in situations that were cathartic that helped me face what I must. I knew in those situations that in spite of the surface of temptations and forces at play, I had to walk out and see what I was made of on my own, and in some way keep hold of my faith throughout it all, yet being open to love, and to go forward with an open heart. I figured I was starting over, so I did not judge others if they did not have that much. I wanted to find love, for I knew I could always make a home a haven whether it was a shoe box, or a mansion.

I did venture out, and boy have the forces out there along with my own choices land me in the presence of some interesting characters whose hearts I have searched, high and low, and all the while searching my own. All I can think, is what testament of a man is true unless he walks a mile in the shoe of another? Not all must do this, and for what reason, I have done so, makes me really question this process, yet it has given me things to think about, and experiences to write about and in some respects these are treatises on the human experience if to be fully written about.

There are many meandering paths we all have before us to choose to walk, or just to visit for a time or two, and for me I have often done just that to venture down various pathways of either exploring the mind of others or entrenching my mind in their lives and their experiences just to see what was hidden there either vicariously or by way of my own experience and the experiences shared. I tend to think my background from playing around in acting helped me suspend judgment and go with the flow, as well as my deliberate attempt to walk into situations practicing no fear, no ego, no judgment, and love for all. Yet, the truth is, I was discerning matters all the while at a spiritual level, as I was in search to love and to be loved. I have an unshakeable faith in the divine, and my shared experienced with another who was guiding me to see things at a spiritual level throughout many of these experiences did also contribute to me being forbearing of these indulgences. I truly do attempt to keep my eye single and full of light, yet the sad truth is so many cannot do this, and are full of darkness. To sit in the darkness takes great effort, by in doing so, the aim was and is and will always continue to be to point the direction to the single path that is toward the light.

To endure human affliction and find a way out of the demise unconscious thought and acts lead many in to that can be used to turn away from those acts to derive at a place of knowing the proper paths to choose, is something I think we all must discover, or perchance be helped to discover, for that is my aim in much of my purpose in this life. At great sacrifice, I have been aided, and at a great sacrifice in turn, I offer lessons (if any are to be found) from my own experience.

I imagine at present it could take me 1-3 years to weave the background stories to these experiences, and fantasies in succinct ways, if this is ever to be done (given I cannot dedicate at present a full time effort to this), and if not then the pieces will have to stand alone. Not to mention I still have files to go through for more pieces to share before I ever begin to write all the full narratives. I am sharing my perceived process in this. To share these snippets, and a few thoughts about them here and there, and then to organize and edit and hopefully piece it together is my plan going forward.

Oh well, cheers!

The Beer in Your Bones, Bury the Bottle, Your Feet, & Hallowed Ground

Beer in your bones

Burn the bones

The pile is high

And you are underneath

You put me here with you

So do what you must do

With all your flesh and sinew

The sole of your feet

Has led to the dirt of this destruction

Where the ground is singed

In the blackness of your treachery

Among the ashes and the smoke

You lay your treasure

Buried in the grave of all your travesties

To the tip of the lies the spade it pierces

And ricochets the point back to your heart

What will it be to make you see

Must your heart bleed out upon the barren land

For you to realize what has happened at the cause of your command


Crush us all bones and flesh and all

Pile us high one by one

First yourself and then your ghost

It heaves the mother, child and me

And all the others

Crush us all one by one

Bury us all with you

Make us all feel your pain

Will that take it all away

Melt away we burn for you

You led us here for this you do

To love you, you burn us all

For you think you are not worthy

What did we do but try to show you

And this is the thanks we get to be led astray

To this grave of bones burning in the shadows

You make us the ghost of who we once were

For our spirit you take into this realm and from the abyss we scream


How much alcohol has made your bones

It will be you to be first to be caught aflame

Stop the drinking the scourging and fanning of this fire

Can’t you see this is not the dream you were born to create


Rise from these ashes and land upon fertile ground

A destiny awaits where the fruit of the garden abounds

Come out from among the thistle and the thorns that choke you

And take your world away into the bone pile of your days of hate

It is time to let it all go and make haste

to live a life free from the spirits that drink your soul to keep

Stop inviting them in for when you do it is another bone for you to have to bury


Pile them high

And let those wanton spirits die

Let them drown in the bottle all alone

Get out and save yourself

No one but you can do this

For the grave you dig is wide and who will be there at your side

When it is all said and done and the end is come

Who will lay in that grave, will it be the grave you have dug for you

Or will you cease to entertain the spirits that come in to you when you drink

and let them fall into the wasteland that they create


Escape run and save yourself

Run and escape and protect those you love

Stop taking them into the cemetery bar and making them your slaves

Stop making us all dig your grave


For it is your bones on the pile

Wake up and get away from those inebriating spirits

They are not your friends

That lure you to take our bones with you


Run, Run, Run before it is too late

Away from being the zombie the demons enslave you to be

That you by your God given choice keep pouring booze into


Where does your honor stand on this planet

When you are caught in the winds of disillusionment

Riding the spirits of the air as you willingly consume their fire

Is not Heaven your home and your aim

Did God plan for you to become a spirit in the wind

Can’t you see it is up to you which force you choose to let lead you

Stop letting the booze desecrate your name and give to God your shame

And never more shall your bones be led into the fire that a million beers could never save


For it is not the beer in our bones

That put us on this pile

But the beer in your bones

That piled us up high

And burned us all to the core through and through


Bury the Bottle

Bury the bottle my friend

Before the bottle buries you

The fiery spirit that lives within it

Will consume you in the end

Let not the bones become weakened

By the building of them with the booze

Take back your choice to build your temple

Holy and New, You can Begin Again

So I please beg you to bury the bottle my friend


Your Feet

Where you Plant Your Feet

Is that where you choose to think

And what is it you think of

In such an inebriated state

Does the drinking aid your desires

Or does it consume your dreams

And leave you in dires


Hallowed Ground

Where do your feet take you love

Are you walking on hallowed ground

Or are you drifting from town to town

Visiting bars and chatting with spirits

Whose only aim is to make you drown


Written on September 22, 2007


Black Pearl & Stow Away written about this same individual


The Grand Delusion

free pirate image

When you open up and pop that beer,

You invite the demons to come in

You think you are a merry drunk

That is an illusion

For you give over you mind

To the Grand Delusion

How must it feel to always apologize

For the actions taken you often don’t remember

The drunken perceptions full of demise

Where realities are distorted and the truths haunt your memories

And another day ensues built upon a created web of lies

That is the creation of your day to recreate this day and forget the night before

But all the nights before cannot be drank away

By continuing to drink each night away

For they flood into the mind with the coming sunlit day

Oh what will it take for you to see yourself

When you run away each and every day

It is your weakness that causes you to drink

For you are too caught in self pity

To pick yourself up and do what you should do

It is much easier for you to point fault at others

Than turn the microscope on you

There is no need for you to be a danger

But you serve danger’s needs well

All because you will not forgive yourself

So live in your mistakes and let them define you

Is that serving you and those you love well

You are so blinded unable to let go

And escape the bottle you’ve put yourself in

All by your own choice to flee into a fantasy

And be on stage to entertain to forget the pain

But this marionette’s dance is dead

Can’t you see it’s killing you and all those who watch

Are horrified and left standing in applause to veil their feigned smile

That covers their sheer and unadulterated sadness and futility to not know how to help

So go ahead and pop that beer and cheer tomorrow this day to forget


September 2007

The Framer Builds a House


Oh Framer, what do you frame?

A Structure of lies,

A crane of deceit

Oh Framer, what do you build?

A legacy of hate,

A grave of bones laid to waste?

Oh Framer, what do you make?

From the blood of the lives given to you that you drank,

From the flesh of their labor given to you that you took

Oh Framer, does it make you a man?

To have a big stick and cast it so vile,

To drink and to be so stuck in denial

Oh Framer, what is in your house?

That you cherish,

That you don’t defile

Oh Framer, is your work full of love?

Do you make a shelter for your family and are they proud to stand by your side,

Does the tapestry in your temple shine in the light by the example you set

Oh Framer, does your work build and protect?

Or does it burn in recompense

In remorse and regret


Written in 2006

In Sync


Here I sit and dream of all life’s possibilities, and I wish I new what the future holds for me. I have been following paths and searching for meaning for so long and often I am at peace, and often I am lost. I find myself to lose myself over and over again. The streams of consciousness from place to place fill the spaces that are void and without. In my heart I know and yet I cannot seem to find the secrets of its depths. Little mysteries unfold piece by piece.

The path with a heart is a path to tread. Every one in one season or another feels the need to walk the paths of love. We all need love and for some the moment arrives, and for some the moment dies, and some may never know what it is to love and be loved.

The orgasms and the ecstasies of the pleasures of my flesh. To touch and sense the spirit in the mists of my breath. To live and to walk and to be so alive and yet so close to death in the melancholic moment of a kiss. To strip to the core the insatiable desires that swing and sway back and forth riding the rhythms of the hips. In the rush of moisture that fills my mouth to lick my lips and stare and to gaze into the mirrors of my soul. My lusts to drown the sorrows, of the heat that burns on the swells of the day. I rise and triumph in a moment, and yet the fire rages on.

In to look and to enter within the shadows of the light. I am never too far behind. I see through the veil. The curtain is not closed. My eyes peer through the sheer intricacies. Illusions are alive and we survive. We fantasy and masquerade with the masks we choose everyday. The pulse beats and we undulate in sync, up and down, we inebriate in the love we seek. Caution: slippery when wet! All around and so hard to grasp.

Join me, unite with me, drink unto me and let me quench my thirst. Back to back, front to front, side to side, mind to mind, heart to heart, and soul to soul. Flowing on unbounded rays from here to there, to everywhere. Oh love me and love me and don’t ever let me go.

When I am good, see my good. When I am bad, hold my hand and pick me up. Stumble, tumble and fall, my legs are split; that is the time to feel the pleasure and the pain so eat me and make me free. Please do not punish me. My skin is delicate, and my heart can so easily break. My mind is a river of love to wash away all your pain.

Garden green, garden love, let us dig a little hole and bury ourselves so deep as seeds, and drink the love and rise to the light. Out of the dirt we raise our heads, and spring forth erect and tall, headed for the sky, in praise to the one as we are one we blossom forth, for the world to grow, and for the universe to know. Garden green, garden love, back to birth we go.

Note: Written in the past 6-9-97, yet never shared publicly until today in response to the prompt.

via Daily Prompt: Undulate

Image found on this site

Eternal Light


Spirits in the night

Roaming in the sky

Forces pull with all their might

Prince of Darkness ruling cry


To overcome the world of light

Casting shadows in the dark

Promising eternal flight

To willing souls who dare to hark


Hungry eyes want to see

With unwilling fear

Selling souls to mystery

Consuming hearts near and far


Violent rituals taking place

To guarantee the force its power

Stars in their head

while children lie dead


Thinking negative will be good

Giving energy of youth

Souls turning to wood

In quest for truth


Illusions and misconceptions

is what they find

For they are so willing to give

up their minds


The light they seek

Shall blind them

Make them weak

Make them dependent on him


He is not your friend

Promising you eternal grace

He will drink your soul to keep

Strip you of your face


No face to face the day

No place to call your own

You’ll wander in the dark

For you’ll be blinded by the lark


The lark in your heart

will vanish away

Like a knife it will cut today

The very light leaving you all dark


Joined the Prince of Darkness

In his rule

Time will tell in this new age

Are you prepared for a fight

For as the Bible foretold

God will stand bright

The only One

To behold

The Eternal Light

May it shine on you


Written in 1989


What You Won’t Say

Imprisoed Ashrael by yapi

Artist: Yapi

What do you know

that I don’t know

Answer my inquisition

despite my disposition


What are you hiding

in your eyes

What are you fighting

in your head


What have you done

Where have you been

What did you learn

What did you see


How deep is sorrow

Heart of pain

Why so lonely

Mind alone


Share with me

the years you lost

Capture your heart

express your soul


Speak to me


What do you know

that I don’t know

Answer my inquisition

Despite my disposition


Speak to me


Curious I am

wanting to behold

the key to your thoughts

Don’t switch and block


What could it be

it’s a mystery to me

What was it like

to not be free


Why the chains

Why the games

What do you feel

What do you hear


Voices in your head

Leading you astray

Don’t play dead

I want my way


I want to know

what you won’t say

Please don’t go away

Please come my way


Don’t fight your heart

Set it free

Don’t pull your life apart

Struggling with fear

Speak to me


What do you know

that I don’t know

It’s a mystery to me

Set yourself free


Written in 1989

Roses and Wine

apple roses

I gave you roses

I gave you wine

Tell me where do I draw the line

Thinking about you

makes me blue

I need more than that

I need some satisfaction

Maybe it’s a game

I play

Just to see if you’re

interested today

The balls in your court

don’t let it race by you

Too many facts to sort

Too much effort to play this sport


I gave you roses

I gave you wine

Why don’t you drop me a line

Is the music in control of your heard

You see what you see

Can’t you see me

or are you blind

to lost emotion

Don’t block my mental devotion


Roses wilt petal by petal

Wine is drank drop by drop

Can’t you see it’s not the

Roses I give to thee

nor the wine to drink

Can’t you think on me

For it is me I want you to see


Written in 1989

Fantasy Piece

Wanting To Be Free

to touch

Artist: Adam Martinakis

Love is like a prison

once you’re there

you have no where to go

Strapped by emotion

by blinded devotion


Love is like a cage

once you’re in

all your fears

turn to tears


Love is like a whip

Striking at your heart

Deep in the darkness

singing a sad lullaby

The crying in your heard

wishing you were dead


You beg for more

in this twisted fate

No where to turn

Blocked by the bars

Yearning for pleasure

No where to go


Love is like a chest

all locked up

a treasure inside

padlock on your mind

no one has the key

wanting someone to find it

to share what’s in your heart

you continue to bleed

while full of need


Love is like a soldier

marching to the beat

Obsessive thoughts repeat

never to be complete


Love is like a chain

hitting up against your head

you feel the pain

You cry and you try

but you can’t get up


That one emotion will not die

Buried deep in your soul

Many chains and whips

Many sounds repeat

Many keys to the many locks

But only one will fit

To release you from your twisted fate

I hope it’s not too late


Brutal heart, Brutal mind

What are you trying to find

When the key unlocks the door

will you be prepared with chains and whips

to free yourself from the cages

and the prisons that bind you

in your mind


The song I sing

sadly exemplifies me

wanting to be free


Written in 1989

Note: Written about another, then in the end realized it was about me too.