After I separated in 1996 and divorced in 1999, I have had some very interesting experiences and relationships. I had been married for 17 years and in the relationship for 20 years, and at the time of divorce my ex was a VP for a publishing company. I made a deliberate decision to shy away from dating anyone who was wealthy. I never wanted money lorded over me and my decisions. I had struggled to leave the marriage for about 5 years, as I had always been a dependent during that time, and was not sure I could make it on my own. There were major issues, that had to be faced that would not go away. I ended up in situations that were cathartic that helped me face what I must. I knew in those situations that in spite of the surface of temptations and forces at play, I had to walk out and see what I was made of on my own, and in some way keep hold of my faith throughout it all, yet being open to love, and to go forward with an open heart. I figured I was starting over, so I did not judge others if they did not have that much. I wanted to find love, for I knew I could always make a home a haven whether it was a shoe box, or a mansion.
I did venture out, and boy have the forces out there along with my own choices land me in the presence of some interesting characters whose hearts I have searched, high and low, and all the while searching my own. All I can think, is what testament of a man is true unless he walks a mile in the shoe of another? Not all must do this, and for what reason, I have done so, makes me really question this process, yet it has given me things to think about, and experiences to write about and in some respects these are treatises on the human experience if to be fully written about.
There are many meandering paths we all have before us to choose to walk, or just to visit for a time or two, and for me I have often done just that to venture down various pathways of either exploring the mind of others or entrenching my mind in their lives and their experiences just to see what was hidden there either vicariously or by way of my own experience and the experiences shared. I tend to think my background from playing around in acting helped me suspend judgment and go with the flow, as well as my deliberate attempt to walk into situations practicing no fear, no ego, no judgment, and love for all. Yet, the truth is, I was discerning matters all the while at a spiritual level, as I was in search to love and to be loved. I have an unshakeable faith in the divine, and my shared experienced with another who was guiding me to see things at a spiritual level throughout many of these experiences did also contribute to me being forbearing of these indulgences. I truly do attempt to keep my eye single and full of light, yet the sad truth is so many cannot do this, and are full of darkness. To sit in the darkness takes great effort, by in doing so, the aim was and is and will always continue to be to point the direction to the single path that is toward the light.
To endure human affliction and find a way out of the demise unconscious thought and acts lead many in to that can be used to turn away from those acts to derive at a place of knowing the proper paths to choose, is something I think we all must discover, or perchance be helped to discover, for that is my aim in much of my purpose in this life. At great sacrifice, I have been aided, and at a great sacrifice in turn, I offer lessons (if any are to be found) from my own experience.
I imagine at present it could take me 1-3 years to weave the background stories to these experiences, and fantasies in succinct ways, if this is ever to be done (given I cannot dedicate at present a full time effort to this), and if not then the pieces will have to stand alone. Not to mention I still have files to go through for more pieces to share before I ever begin to write all the full narratives. I am sharing my perceived process in this. To share these snippets, and a few thoughts about them here and there, and then to organize and edit and hopefully piece it together is my plan going forward.
Oh well, cheers!