I heard the commotion out in the hall

doors slamming and the voices of it all

I took a peek to see

she was told to calm down

with blood streaming aside her face

tall and beautiful an amazonian type

she was mad

slamming into walls and breaking things

hands on necks trying to break free

swinging around slapping traps away

she just wanted back in

kicking into walls and glass

there was no way she would breathe in to find peace

the beast within had been poked

and now she wanted to make him bleed

a fight or flight response provoked

unrelenting she wanted more

to even up the score

what was she thinking when she spit in his face

what kind of defense thinks of such things

to approach him with such vileness

and draw out his punch

maybe it was a concussion

that spurred her adrenaline

for she tilted her head forward

eyes fell shut half way

as her eyes rolled back

and she drew a breath

into her clenched fists

that came up spinning her around

no one could stop her

until she found herself surrounded

with no place to run

hospital bound

locked up

caught in the system again

tragic all the way around

for it looked like a scene

out of an exorcism film…

no doubt

the eyes of anger roll evil

they always do…

 

Good morning Sunshine

You are so beautiful

the flattery rolls off the tongue

meeting thousands but none as me he says

what is his aim

an opiate to drive away the sadness

at the hope of an enchanting life

or perchance an enticement

for a moment or two

yet selflessly he offers of himself

not too sure what to think

for most there is always some aim

seems it has put me in a state

to hold near my nomadic heart

for they come in seeking

ecstatic at the prospects

rose colored lenses

removed just like the stitches

leaving me

the shadow appears

and the dark befalls

for a man to face his dream

and the thought of the folly of it all

he stakes his claim

to search the depths of his heart

for none can take

that which is not given away

yet life has its take

in its own way

the scars do they ever fade

the external always manifest to light

the internal beauty to cultivate

some evade and shy away

wanting something better

never seeing what the light beholds

when a candle is lit in the heart

the frustration stings

to know the things that I have seen

come to me in want

and find the truth within

too much for some to see

I know the loneliness you cannot seem to give away

singing freely my nomadic heart

dancing circles around the fire of love

never consumed too much

the breath of fire

the walk on the coals

to merge souls

the heat too great

run away

and there I shall be

a nomad in this land

heart in hand

to offer thee

yet unto the pure

these blemishes

are beautifully perfect

if more than meets the eye can be seen

the nomad sits alone

surrendered to fate

heart removed from off the sleeve

tucked in tight

prepared for the fight

to war within

to want what is before me

yet to accept

it is my heart

rarely seen

to be free

to run with the wind

not trapped in mortal hands

swift to take from me

the light I struggle to keep lit

8/26/18

Had to take some time away

take some time to myself

fixing broken things

but mostly my heart

decided not to date this year

too many just want shallow exploits

I can’t take their hollowness

Had to turn away and become a recluse

just to think things through

then again, but no searching of my own

a stranger appears

pray tell what he wants

the things he does for me

so unique and kind

of course he must want

a piece of me

yet can he value mind over matter

time shall tell

so hard to get pulled into this dance

not sure its where I need to be

yet feeling destiny awaits

for me to begin again anew…

 

…see me with the heart not eyes

for the eyes will disappoint…

the vulnerability to delve

and connect deeper than the flesh

 

No good mornings today

no flattery and wine

just the memory

 

 

 

Those little things

in match boxes

I realized were not for me

just made me go unconscious

it was time to wake up

even if it took a punch in the head

to make me become conscious

 

Yes, she told me to go and see

what I could find

seconal, tuinal, meperidine

even discovered with soma

the future could be told

saw then there was more than meets the eye

for some reason I was meant to survive

 

I don’t process like the others

perchance it was the fall

a death escaped at the age of 2

maybe the waves took a different circuit

 

what is it all for

a story perchance to be told

children to be born

for life beyond me to take form

 

for the spirit to become manifest

and the flesh to be stripped

to flee its constraints

 

the evil still pursues

and this the message

holds true

from its grip

we must always flee

most importantly to tear its claws

from me

to see it raw in its deeds

to leave it be

to step aside

and let it fly by

unvarnished

and bare exposed for what it is

a stepping stone

to dare not tread

for the forest there within

chokes and claims its take

Root not in me

these vines were cut long ago

yet I know your kind

and what your aim is

to settle in and take hold

come not my way

the chains that destroy

to turn asunder

and rent the veil

where material gain

is a cloak I shall not wear

be not as the pharisees

speaking dribble

and babbling to catch a foot

in its snare

this way is a passing through

for those who avoid traps to play the fool

8/25/2018

She could have been a bitch

After all I seduced her son

She found the evidence

we were young

 

She could have been a witch

when she found the matchbox full

for she knew what we did

yet sheltered us from the harm

 

She had every right to banish me

and slay me for my deeds

Yet she gave to me

my integrity

so that I could find my own culpability

 

The gift she gave to me

wisdom beyond measure

for she saw far beyond

what most could ever see

she did not beat me down like my mother

yet she loved me as a mother would

not kicking me when I was down

and erred

 

The experiences of youth

they come and go

and they stay with us forever

I remember the picture passed around

it brought me sadness and pain

for my scars they shared

little did I know

it was the healing

that had begun

 

I came back after many years

to inquire if I had harmed anyone by my acts

her son said not

yet one adopted daughter I cannot help but wonder

who rarely speaks

so caught up in toil

she wears a fate she can not seem to shed

I have to ask if a switch back then clicked

and turned on the addiction

little do we know

the receptors we provoke

just like all the years

we burn

like cigarettes

they tarnish

each day a choice we make

 

She could have been a bitch

and sent me away

She could have made me wear my shame

but she protected me

She pulled me from a night of play

and made me look at my life

I saw my choices I had made

that night with her daughters

She may not have loved me

but her actions showed she did

 

For she gave to me the gift of reflection

unblemished by the venting of her thoughts…

she gave to me my own

to think on what I did

 

and in the end the most important gift she gave to me

the power to discern

void of outside criticism

 

Her body now fragile

as the soul calls her home

how subtle and tragic

it is to know

her time to leave

is on the horizon

 

follow me home

for there you shall rest

and I shall guard

the innocence of youth

into time the flow of the eternal

immortal and unblemished

the countenance of life

beyond what is known

 

She could have labeled me

an outcast

but instead she gave me wings to grow

from the experience

she must have known

we all need acceptance

and love

and that she gave to me

for she saw beyond

the trials of life

 

May the spirit of forgiveness

be graced upon her head

as she passes through

from here to there

for a rare jewel

refined and pure

is found within her heart

 

She could have been a bitch

but she chose kindness instead

May the love of God and all his angels

sing praises of her glory

 

In somberness and awareness

with trepidation for what beckons

we all must face in the end

 

May her journey be painless

may her light shine brightly

where nothing cannot be seen

where phantoms fade

and peace ascends

 

Everyday choices, have lasting eternal effects…

the love so great in the heart of a mother

she a mother and an exemplar to us all….

to love

to protect

and to guide

the youth to think…

to affect the choices

we make

 

She could have been a bitch

but instead she brought me into her fold

under her wing a distant memory

never will I forget

 

the lesson to learn

to wash a life clean

absolution

reigns supreme

a gift to give

a choice to make

where mercy is held

in the seat of the throne

to welcome us home

 

 

8/25/2018

Yeah, I loved you like that

silly, and whimsical and all of that

saying and thinking I love you in a million ways

some audible, and some in so many silent ways

I danced, I cried, I laughed

I guess it all began in our eyes

the mirrors of our souls

you went on to play the game

with so many more

and then all the ones who came before

and now you wait for your concubine to be free

which one will it be

the visitor you enchanted and planted yourself

between her life

and now it unravels

for her to take your hand

but will that be the one

or shall it be the one

you think you loved

the one you played the fool for

as you leaped into the arms of others

only to think you were doing what she may have been doing

did you convince yourself of love

after all that was said and done

or was it just to appease your mistake

the bleeding you underwent

to tell yourself you were not that kind

beating yourself up

over your mistakes

but if it had been love

never my dear would you have fathomed such a notion

let alone such acts…

so up on a high wire

your fairy tale awaits

and perchance there it will ride

in clouds of love in the heaven’s abode

however life is not so simple

when karma wants its due

in time for me

in time for you

in time for all

hopefully not a cathartic escape

to land in your arms

to spring forth into the air

like a wind that wafts through

warms the soul

yet can chill to the bone

when its gone…

the money will come and the money will go

but where in the end shall you be

the one who waited for a passing of another

shall her dream begin with you…or is your time so over due it was gone long ago…

and how much longer will it take to learn that song, the melody so overplayed…

political angst your sails wrap tight and in its bow you sank love divine

one day in due time in this life or the next the duality will take flight

and there shall be one

that stands out more than all the others

but out of view and out of grasp

fleeting memories…

last not too long…

like a boat set adrift

out to sea

into a storm it sinks

shall love survive these tides

as you say

life is but a dream

we make

what will come of what you bake

a cake of cinnamon and spice

and everything nice

or a cake full of

plastic dice

chip a tooth

land on a hook

impaling

the lies

we tell ourselves

drift on

a dream

a seam to rip

a tale to bind

forever lorn

homeward bound

as one

to face

your truths

8/22/2018

I needed you

not your friends

I just needed you to see me

It’s a love based perspective

 

I needed you

as a child

to reciprocate

my love for you

 

I needed you

to see the trinity

in everything

the bond of

union

 

I needed you

to stand for good

to speak in truth

to bless

the pain

It’s an absolution

to ourselves

 

To be free

a renunciation

before the throne

the stage of life

to conquer death

 

I needed you

to see through me

to see your self

in all

 

I needed you

and you took

my sacrifice

and gave me

back my life

to find purpose

 

There is nothing we need more

than to love

and be loved

for our journey to manifest

the path we tread

to see the way

through the maze

 

I needed you

and in you came

to fill my heart and intellect

 

For me it is not what you see

if the fullness of the heart

you reject

in blind ignorance

and indifference

for in the end

dare not to let

your suffering be in vain

chasing things

void of soul

that steal away

all that you were born to see

 

Return to love

and see God in everything

and then perchance

the miracles will begin

and you will see the divine

beyond time

 

8/12/2018

 

Whether it be to create a rose garden

or build the Taj Mahal…

We each create from love

in our own way

Whose right is it to judge

these creations born of love

 

Whether it to be to gaze upon a rose

or read a piece of poetry or prose

we each pay tribute

 

Whether it be to create a painting on the wall

or to create the Taj Mahal

We each create a testament of love

whose right is it to judge

these monuments of love

 

For when it comes to love

there is no big or small

just love that’s all…

 

 

 

He says you need a carpenter boyfriend

as he inspects my house

He says fix it and sell it

would not be surprised if…

they have not eaten up to the rafters

he gives me a number to call

 

I reply, I need a carpenter boyfriend?

A carpenter comes and I show

him around concerned

about what I have found

and what all needs to be done

the only thing I have

for refuge

he assures me as he sees

the tears well in my eyes

its not quite as bad as it seems

I’m here to put your fears at ease

 

I’m horrified and text my children

and one says burn it down

the other says

will she get sprayed or nailed

so lightly and trivial the words come forth

as I sit and ponder

what is it all worth

the oldest tells the one to be nice

and then the other away from the messages

comes back and says you all need help

 

Do I need a carpenter

and I stop to think

as an atheist friend

comments on a picture

of a man on a cross

 

He was a carpenter from Nazarene

and in the end he was nailed upon a cross

I contemplate the message

whether one believes or not

 

we all need a carpenter

to build our temple

do we not

 

He says to me

I see you’re all heart

just work with me

and I’ll show you how

 

8/4/18

The Framer Builds a House