The Spirit of every Breath

chris e room wh

Christmas as a child

I could hardly wait

the night before looking at all the shining lights

reflecting off the colorful bows below

A top the tree an angel glows

 

In my heart thinking

Happy Birthday to Jesus

Yet upon reflection it was

more like a Happy Birthday to me

 

The years pass on

and I remember my loved ones

Now long gone

 

Having children of my own

Getting caught up in the consumerist storms

That pass through year after year

when my children would receive more than their fair share

 

In my soul I shudder

to think that the birth of Jesus many not have even been in the month of December

and that Christmas is really a combination of Pagan and Christian beliefs merged

 

Every year people near and far are always in deep spiritual need

Yet filling their stockings

Eating their pies

As their credit cards reach all time highs

Seems to be the way so many fill their gluttonous greed

 

Oh yes, the spirit of giving is the true divine gift

Yet too many use that as a crutch

to cleanse their guilt of the whole year

by going out and buying turkeys for the poor

 

When really if they would just look

in the eyes of their loved ones

and all the neighbors they should love as their selves

And say to them honestly

What can I give thee of myself

from my heart and soul truly…

 

I do believe miracles would begin to happen

Do give not for the sake of want

but let the spirit of giving

be a part of every breath

 

for just three days ago

I saw a crushed car

only to find out last night

a friend of my sons died that day

 

Every breath we draw in our being is a precious gift divine

we cannot be sustained without it

so I urge all I know to honor their spirit

to let each breath be one to celebrate

and not take for granted

 

And if there are no presents under the tree

One should be thankful that they are there to be

In that state of being to know that every breath they take

is a chance to give

 

so give of yourself to friend and foe

the spirit of love

for in that same spirit of love

God gave us Christ

 

In the examples of how Christ lived

We can come to learn and to grow

how to really be in spirit

 

for when we live in spirit

we touch the lives of all we know

 

so give from the divine heart every day

not just one day a year

Whether it is to give a hand or ear to someone near

give from the heart without fear

 

so that when the day comes when you take your last breath

You will firmly know that your material purpose has been fulfilled

 

I urge all to see it is the selfless who gives in every moment

who truly has it all…Merry Christmas to all…

12/25/01 11:04AM

Liberation

andrew gonzalez

In our minds we are always free

we cannot be contained with the walls of flesh and bone mentalities

Our spirit wants to flee

will not settle for material desires

that wrap around

to bring man down

 

such an obscure attainment

to be shrouded in wealth’s raiment

void of spiritual arraignment

the pure lament

 

The soul to grow

by fire

to know

 

the burn within

sparks a flame

divine intent

is born

 

for it is without this world

a jewel is refined

 

it is within

only a diamond in the rough

 

to venture on the coals

to set foot upon the path

and never look back

 

no pity

no sorrow

 

only joy in revelation

that it is all in us

the travesties of deceit

we each must face

 

to brave the storm

to come out of the fire

a purpose to be one

 

it is not to be tread

as if it were a given

for it is open to all

 

the meek in humility

to be so called upon

to cherish all

in servitude in thought

in action each second

 

to take for granted this gift

is to be burned a thousand fold

and never shine

 

to drink of desire

of every cell

can only truth

be realized

 

in such an individual

who nurtures

his own soul

and comes to know

LOVE

 

love unblemished

untarnished

so rare

but everywhere

it is the peace

of the free

 

the liberation of the spirit

to shine forth in all it aspires

never to retire

only to return

to guide others

who make the choice

to play their turn….

 

which road will you travel

 

if you make the choice

you are there

in the center of nowhere

but where truth encircles

just waiting for the earnest

to reach out

and see accord

 

by removing the veil

layer by layer

until the light within you

can no longer be contained

 

as you took the first leap of faith

you as quickly catch the first ray

 

what you do will all be up to you

to be forever born

to be forever one

 

Amen

9/08/2002 1:27 cdt

 

A Final Tear

TEAR OF BLOOD

I saw the face of death tonight

His life passed in the end

a tear of blood

The purple of passion

I wore disrobed today

as to bed I go

on this night of

my grandfather’s hand

I held

the night he died

A saint’s tear

The life lived

and shed

in a moment the drop

of blood dried

Yet red right

outside his left eye

To heaven he ascends

I love him so and

always will in spite

of the life I held in

my hand tonight has left

But with me in spirit he will always be

Dec. 6. 2006

A Discourse on Anger

a earth angel

STUDENT: How do we not feel anger when we feel we have been treated unjust? Will there not be a consequence of shutting off that emotion?

 

SPIRITUALIST: Techniques to Avoid Anger

It all begins in thought (Single most powerful thing a human can do is think). Anger is not a natural state. Anger is a learned behavior. Stop practicing anger, distance yourself from it.

Accept it in your heart and in your head…that all your past experiences, were those that are and will continue to be a part of life. We all have differing sets of bad experiences including the ones that were practiced against us.

 

Now that we have survived it be grateful that you are left standing and did not die in the process…many have you know. You may be severely scarred and hurt, but you are at least standing…be grateful for it.

 

Forgive those trespasses as you seek forgiveness for your trespasses. Let the past go…

 

(STUDENT’S THOUGHT: Otherwise we perpetuate the destructive cycle)

It’s never the injustices that were practiced against you that matter as to WHO YOU BECOME. It is your ATTITUDE to those experiences that dictates as to who you are or will become.

If your attitude is ANGER to those sets of experiences, then that is what you have become and will indeed pass on your heritage keeping this shit alive for yet many generations…

 

(STUDENT’S THOUGHT: So, as you have said before, we must unlearn)

 

If your attitude is forgiveness as demonstrated by your ACTIONS OF NO ANGER, that is what you have gone on to become and will indeed pass on your heritage keeping this nobility alive for yet many generations…

 

That ought to be reason enough to practice No Anger…Lord knows there are enough people practicing anger on the other side of the fence….we need to populate some folks to counter balance this stuff…thinking, acceptance, and forgiveness of the past is essential, then also some of the techniques as I have taught you of breathing and being less judgmental, distrusting, and suspicious and more loving will also help a great deal…

 

Now there will be those who are practitioners of anger and will draw you out into their adrenaline jungle (jungle of misbehavior). Some of those people will be very close to you who cannot be avoided such as your family, ex husband…etc. Then there will be those with whom you can minimize your contact with, yet be around them.

 

I avoid people who tend to draw me into that jungle as I need to practice anger less and less. Now if they happen to be customers or acquaintances, I have shaped my work and life in manner to do that, as I am the architect of my circumstance.

 

I can talk, teach, show by example, then I have to withdraw as they are not ready for my lessons and it is indeed, “casting pearls before swine”, and I certainly don’t want to be in the company of negative emotion because I don’t want to wake up with fleas.

 

Sometimes people know what hot buttons of yours to press. If you find people deliberately doing that then it is time, to talk, to teach, and if they persist in not learning then it is time to find better company. The idea here is to find environments in which you will not have to practice anger, but if you are the one that keeps manufacturing anger at every step of the way, from a bad tennis back hand to driving on the highway, it may not be others who are doing this to you rather you doing this to others. Sooner or later your anger will leave you, this I can promise you. The question is, how much damage will you do to others and yourself in the mean time?

As in my example of a patient with a drinking problem, his only salvation is to STOP IT, JUST NOT DO IT. So it is with the practitioner of anger.

 

Breathing will help, counting to 10 will help, acceptance will help, thinking will help, when the sun comes up, it will help, when it rains too, it will help, but in the end…not reading bad books that legitimize anger will help, running, meditation, pumping iron, eating right and getting good sleep will help, watching TV will help, cleaning carpet will help, staying busy will help…but in the end…

 

IT IS YOUR COMMITMENT AND YOUR OBEDIENCE TO YOUR COMMITMENT. YOUR WILL AND YOUR OBEDIENCE TO YOUR WILL THAT WILL HELP YOU ACHIEVE YOUR GOAL, NEVER GIVING IN EVEN ONCE, NEVER.

Any book that teaches you otherwise is garbage. I AM DONE.

 

Well now you gotta practice it remember…intentions don’t mean a hill of beans. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

As K**du (a military instructor he had) said which I quoted him in my book and as I have written in my poetry…actually was taught by my teachers prior to K**du who re-affirmed it to me much later in life…

 

YOU ARE YOUR COMMITMENT! Commitment here is not just a thought. COMMITMENT HERE IS IMPLEMENTED ACTION.

 

You have to develop it into a habit. Like anything else it takes practice, in your waking moments and in your sleep, at all times until it becomes a way of life.

 

(STUDENT’S THOUGHTS: PRAY & Meditate on this Every Morning & Night!)

Note on “unlearning”: We are born and come into this world where all the values, beliefs of our parents, caretakers and society start shaping us. At some point we come to an age of reason. Some will see their beliefs were shaped by systems and individuals that are flawed, and we must unlearn these things. I once eluded his actions and teachings to that of a brain washing, and he would reply, all humans need their brains washed cleaned in order to return to the purity of right thinking and actions, thereby taking personal responsibility to do so without blaming anyone else for who they are.

Far Away from Home

Far Away From Home
Kiss the sand for me
Tell the blue I’ll be back
In time
I’ll walk those shores again
Collecting memories
The seashells in my box
Echo of crashing waves
And days of stormy seas
When the gray clouds
Covered me
In rain and pain
Cleansing me
Comforting me
The beach beckons me
Where the dolphins
laugh and play
Where the rainbows end
I begin
The ocean swells
inside of me
The tide of life
The seagull soars
above the Earth
Below the clouds
Somewhere in between
is where I’ll be
Feet in sand
Salt on me
Flavoring me
To walk in the breeze
To feel the air
Trapped on land
Is where my spirit flees
Above it all
Close to death
Close to life
Ethereal is where
my heart sings
to its soul’s identity
Written in the early 90’s maybe

Princess in White

nut 1
I just want a lady
To take me as I am
To feel my love
and know its power
and know who I am
I just want a lady
to have me as her man
To let me do my thing
and always understand
I don’t want no wicked
witch of the east
telling me what to do
I want a princess in white
arched across my sky
holding on tight
Encompassing me tonight
Never letting me go
Lifting me up where I belong
Shining in her light
Letting me be free
When I need to be
I just want a lady
to take me as I am
Let me be a man
And always understand
Just exactly who I am
Written in the 80’s (fantasy for a friend who was into Egyptian mythology)

Let it Go

let go heart ballon

I want you to let it go

Don’t keep it in

Blow it out

Hold up your chin

Don’t you pout

I just want to let you know

I can help

But I can’t

You need a hug

Don’t you know

Give your self

To your self

Keep it in

Let it out

Share your grief

To find relief

Find the joy

Release the pain

Don’t be vain

It’s insane

You deserve to protect your self

That’s okay

So say today

I’ll find my self

Say it true

Don’t be blue

Find the colors in your life

Fight the strife

Don’t you die

Don’t you dwell

I just have to say

To you be well

Find the answers

In your heart

Create a solution

Mend it to give

Your self a resolution

Don’t be gray

Be gay

Love your self

Know its true

It’s okay

To feel that way

There’s a rainbow

In the sky

You can find it

If you try…

You can fly!

Written in the 80’s

Taking a general psychology class, the instructor broke and revealed personal issues, and upon introspection of the subject matter, and his discourse, this was inspired.

Interesting notion of the “self”….prior to me ever learning about the “philosophical belief systems” associated with Atman in Hinduism.

 

Synapses

sacrificial lamb

Should I look to the sky

to find the reason why

Should I whisper your name

across the water to send a message

to you

Should I blow a dandelion

your way

Would you hear

Could you see

The moon in the sky

At the same time as I

What kind of synapses

did you break

What was the purpose

Just to see

A whim perchance on me

Are your walls painted red

Is the blood of my soul

on your hands

Am I your sacrificial lamb

Note: Written in the Spring of 96’, related to the cathartic process I was experiencing, surround by energies of a “so called healer” already referenced elsewhere, questioning the energies, and quantum thought capabilities, associated with cording energetics. Never titled this piece, so…kinda thinking, Sacrificial Lamb, or Synapses….went with Synapses…because after all, it was my life I was sacrificing, due to synapses breaking during the cathartic journey I was embarking upon.

Oh Dear God

dr gd image 2

I sat at the feet of the Buddha

with flowers, and incense

and the burning of candles of gold around white wax

day after day, and night after night

in my suffering of lost desires

and promises made but broken

in the ashes of the fire that raged my soul

to witness the bloodletting of my heart

in pain acknowledging the pain I caused

in not knowing how to respond

all the while aiming to go forth in love

Yet falling miserably short

Apologizing endlessly amidst the streams of tears

Falling, as I saw my failings I fell to pieces with every drop

Knowing I was nothing in the state I found myself living within

Nothing of my dreams did I taste, but only the mourning of their escape

Far from my reach they vanished

Until I died a silent internal death

My shadow stood before my grave

peering down on me

I’m not a Buddhist

yet on my knees

there before my Grandmother’s Buddha

A treasure of art to me

Of sentimental value

It just happened to be the place

I knelt in solitude

I prayed to God

I prayed to be forgiven

I prayed to be Christ like

and realized how painful it must of been for him

Living in this world of sin

That people such as I create and perpetuate

The darkness of eternity grasping me

choking me

endlessly I cried

often in a daze

lighting candles for those I hurt

prayers for the innocent

prayers to be forgiven by N****

Prayers to be able to dream again

to breathe in freedom of pain

To love again

months went by in my endless abyss

hanging on a thread just to feed myself

and children and animals

and then back into bed to sleep

To listen to my heart

seeing visions of fire

hearing the beating of drums merging into my heart beat

Feeling the energies of wind and spirit

wrapping around my rib cage

crushing me

taking the breath from my lungs

slowing the beating of the blood through my heart

The sounds in my heart I could hear most vividly in my head

My body lie motionless

In my surrenderous upheaval

Days go by

until one day I awaken to God within

My divinity bursting at the seams

Ecstatic to breathe again

In the liberation of awakening

the pain it vanished

yet days went on

in countless rectifications

Unbearable to ever go there again

I shudder at the thought

I am cold to the fire of those days

No longer Attachment do I feel

yet a stranger with eyes knowing came my way

he offered the water

my soul so desperately starved for

the passions of love

Blazing pure

I found myself giving

In honor of past sacrifices

of love gave to me by another

Yet, wrapped up in expectations

I found myself drowning in again

My heart that beat again, began to die

To witness the sins of mine as well as that of man

instead of losing sight of my life this time

I went forward to regain divine mind

Knowing that God loves me

Knowing that God has plans for me to follow through on

Steadfast I plow in my plight

Stumbling with might to learn grace

Now again, I see that I have bludgeoned the knife of pain

by my acts into my very own soul

for the conscious lacking of faith to give birth

to the child of the man

who reduced me to ash in the past

Who offered me new hope this time with

promises of love to be bestowed forever more

Yet my heart it felt apprehension

As I knew his militant ways

It sat and watched for truth

Feelings of love overwhelming

I felt in totality with him

Yet I could not give it to myself all alone

I could not allow myself to become attached

Because of all the blood I let in the past

In his presence,

I was liberated from feeling his wrath of the past

Yet, when alone the memory stood fast

As triggered subtle but pointed reminders

came forth from their recesses

I chose to stay clear of that fire

That ravaged and consumed my entire being

that sought to suffocate me in the past,

Yet not immune to mistakes

of non attachment to even my own flesh

that I have now made and must face

Thus I now see that I am not totally free

I have new tasks ahead

to rectify my heart

My searching will not end in bringing light to misdeeds

That of mine as well as that of others

Yet only mine can I truly judge

And judge now only what my heart can bare

As I must keep enough strength

To overcome my weaknesses

I let the rest of judgements of others

be the Lords

As only he is capable of bringing

the warmth of love and life

back into all souls, as he will judge mine

Yet, I refuse to be the cripple

that others set out to make me

I stand again to face the light

its my birthright to cleanse these stains

to win this fight over my self destructive ways

All alone it would appear I am

I am far from living in righteous truth

Yet so close at times to see and feel it

I continue my dance to and fro,

in and out of it to extremes

To hold on to my dreams

Then again to let go of the misery expectation can bring

To find mercy to be free

And complete in truth

with God I am never alone

As he lifts me from

what I can not bare

Yet my mistakes

unconscious, now conscious

they distance me

Yet serve to show my frailty and my need

to come again to be closer to thee

in heart and soul

in spirit and matter

To help me see what is real of spirit in front of me

eliminating vain ideologies

To cast away the weeds and vines

of travesties of sin that kill

To be or not to be

in my surrender to God’s destiny for me

This test of faith

Always presenting itself before me

Oh Dear God, unharden my heart

This non attachment can be cruel

I pray to gain compassion and mercy

Without it killing me, or others

To truly be free of desire

and suffering from these mortal hands I bare

12-(27-28)-2000

Note: So many different events encapsulated in this some referenced in other writings….some hard to find the right words to convey the experiences.

 

The Pearl

tumblr_nxpuztobfb1rugzg2o1_500

Maybe for a minute

Maybe for a day

Maybe just a second

If so blessed we may

Have the world as our oyster

 

Let this token of our meeting

Remind us of the moment

Our rendezvous with destiny rang true

 

Inside our world you will

Find the pearl of our union

There is a water mark in the middle

Between the two halves

Let this be a symbol of the love that will flow freely

Between us two

On one half there is a blemish

If the pearl is held in the light

I think of this to be a representation of the pain

Our hearts have felt, and yet in that pain

The reflective nature is that of beauty

 

Maybe for a week

Maybe for a year

Just maybe for an eternity

December of 1996

In a globe limoge, a pearl was placed and offered as a token gift, and in return pearls of wisdom immeasurable have been received.

“How will I know?” to the fakir the question was asked by the man in search of his cosmic twin. The fakir reached down and picked up a pink pearl and gave it to the man and said, “She will give you one of these”. Mind you, the question did not ask how will I know who SHE is, it was just, how will I know?

A fairy tale indeed…a good story right, or was it the truth?

Update, my birthday 2017:

I gave a gift of a pearl once as noted above. In Satellite Beach subsequently eating oysters with the recipient of the pearl, 7 small pearls were found by me, one after the other practically as I sat to eat 2 dozen raw oysters. I had only found 1 on rare occasion prior to that when eating oysters, and many oysters I have eaten. That event was utilized to illustrate a point, I shall not delve into here! Tonight, I found this one (not pictured here, but it is in the pictures found under the Gallery of Ideas on Pictures Tab). It is the biggest pearl I’ve ever found in an oyster.

Happy Birthday to me, I found this pearl a gift from the sea…I happily exclaimed in poetic cadence. My heart was smiling, because I knew.

You see, when God gives you a dollar bill, you take it, and acknowledge it and be thankful. For some these small seemingly things do not hold significance, but given the events in my life, this very well could be a miracle.