Insatiable Desire

William Adolphe Bouguereau

Douleur D’amour by William-Adolphe Bouguereau

Outside it is raining

Inside my thoughts are pouring

 

The agony of life

The pain of a new love

A spark in the heart

of a committed wife

To fly as a dove

To end up in the dark

 

Insatiable desires

Unreleased, unrequited

Like a blossom

That wilts and dies

 

The fire it builds

The rage the heart feels

At being nothing more

Than an animal driven mad

 

Locked in a cage

A bird so sweet

Tweet Tweet

A reptile so still

Until a sting from a whip

Is delivered into the air

A tiger so fierce,

it claws it, gnaws it

The flesh

It’s driven insane

So wild, so out of control

 

The passions to be bridled

The heart to be tamed

A willful constraint

In order to sustain

all that was and still is

 

Reluctant to change

The insanity it rains

Nothing remains

All is new

 

The veil of stupidity

Slaps me in the face

And all for what

 

The thought of love

So childish, so coy

You can’t have that boy

 

Grow up my dear

Death is very near

Don’t need to rescue

yourself from it

 

You can’t consume it

It consumes all

 

Light and dark

It’s up to you

Which path to choose

 

Paradox in between

Is that where the truth is

I see truth everywhere

 

Do I dare

Yes, I dare to dare not

Is life not fair

Ask a victim, ask a survivor

To live, to live

To die, to die

Always these thoughts present

To walk in the shadow of death…

Death of what

Of me, of you

Of relationships

What’s new

That’s what

So painful, but change is good

 

Reluctancy always stiffens

The spirit wants to flee

To run and play

 

But instead it’s trapped

 

By will or intellect

Surely not the heart,

yet it is the heart that

is protected

 

Protected from what

From you, from me

From the who’s who

In my life

 

Must protect from their

little knives

 

They poke and prod

With their wills and their mights

 

Their eyes as daggers

When all is not well

 

Not well with their souls

to be sure

 

No control, they’ve given

It up to someone else’s beat

 

They still will never understand

Their defeat

 

I guess that’s why I sigh

I am a willful

defeatist marching to

Someone else’s beat

 

Sometimes I dare stray

One day, one day

 

Until then I’ll be

Locked in a cage,

but I have the key

When I decide to let myself

free, I will fly

 

To soar

To end up in the dark

I know it’s coming

I know it’s waiting

The fear of self discovery

 

Not to venture into

the darkness all alone

To wonder if I’ll ever

Be able to pick myself

Back up – Never to know

 

This is mostly about me

And yet you

Something we all must

go through

 

For me, my choice is

For my values

 

To stop accepting

What I disdain

Somethings are not true to me

I am sick of detachment

 

I’ve been touched

I have felt myself breathe again

The pain exhaustion brings

To let it all out

Unleashed upon someone pure

 

I regret that I am saddened in my relief

 

I sit here and dwell

I am afraid I’m not so clear

As to say whether this is good

or bad

 

Self absorbed

So foolish and yet so necessary

I suppose

 

Damn it

Why can’t I have

What I want

 

Written in the Spring of 1996

Note: a combination of temptations along with past and present events start to unfold

 

 

 

 

Master

elements

Artist: Carlos Quevedo

The moon is green and the ocean is gray

And underneath it all I hear the sounds of clay

The morning is black and the night is light

And the plants are Gods and the people are dogs

The aliens are at play out in the moonlit day

And angels call where the heathen mind falls

Where visions of dreams become the demons that snare

And the love within burns out like a flare

Bestiality wields the darts at the dark

And the dark is in the heart of the archer who throws

Excellence is corruption in truth and masks

And behind the words the master plays

As he paints a portrait that is not there

 

Written in 2004

Note: Looking at things inside out, upside done, the thesis, the antithesis, all the facets bestowed before me, just made me throw this out there in an topsy-turvy bantering way of sorts, as well as a moment of an eye roll just tired of looking at it all, a moment of relief in the disparity of  trying to cast it all off as play, which I knew it was not. Yet it was the irony of realizing often to find truths they have to be dissected in so many ways. Not that I was mocking what I was being directed to look at, but I was definitely caught in a sardonic moment….pushing back a bit. Yet, often would I sit and listen to many examples for often hours on end that seemed to make NO sense, only after digesting them however long it took to end up having valid points pop into view…

Found a note about this, and this was the impetus of what was written on above.

One can rob the discovery of a moment by lacking to give one’s own effort by giving it over to time. Time is then given credit, and not one’s own effort.

I was told I was fortunate (one in a trillion) because:

A. I had a true teacher to guide my soul’s evolution

B. Such a man was given to me as a mate

C. A divine blessing occurred at Cibo

You must overcome on your own effort!

An example as usual was given:

Learning to ride a bike, one does everything but ride, no matter how hard one tries, it is easy to fall. Once a master, just as hard to fall as it was to not fall in the beginning. If hit, you still have it in you to be a master.

The moral/lesson: If one uses the same energy to discover one’s wrongs (my own) and how forces use individuals (me) to get to others (meaning him), one can avoid traps. You can’t have everything turned off, you can’t have the energy of anything pulling on you. One must render their focus to the master, and if the master says the sky is green, you’ll see the sky green, and that will be the moment of awakening.

False Witness (A brief Contemplation)

History of Religions

There is an irony in the mix, as I sit to contemplate the ramifications of this notion to not bear false witness. To be falsely accused is a heartache that has the potential to never go away; it creates strife often, as the one accused attempts to rectify their name and quite possibly clarify their aims and intents. I have learned at times to ignore it if this happens to me if possible, and then at other times to feel grief to be so sorely misunderstood because certainly a seed of doubt planted around one’s life has the capacity to cause others to stumble and see those accused in a false light, all dispersed within an illusion of a delusion, no doubt. That is a hard place to be found within surrounded in a cloud of uncertainty full of skepticism’s in the air. Certainly, I have allowed my own suspicions of others lead me to jump the gun and speculate they may be guilty of certain actions only to find out later that I was wrong. There is a bit of a difference in making a false accusation to someone directly, verses making false accusations and testimonies about someone to others, yet they can be related, if not rectified. For if someone espouses a belief, whether it is founded in religious directives, or just one’s own opinion of a belief these actions have the capacity to either be grounded in truth or fabrications, and either has a consequence.

The moral compass points within the Bible tell us to not bear false witness, and in the Upanishads, one is led to be mindful of the consequences of their actions where the notion of karma takes on this turn of meaning where our souls may be affected by both our good acts and our bad acts due to cause and affect. In Sufism, it is said to potentially escape the consequences of karma is to love God with all the fiber of one’s being. In Christianity, it is a part of seeking salvation to be forgiven and go and sin no more through repentance. I shall not delve into all the potential directives and meanings found in various systems of belief at present, but will just skim the surface of these matters. Is there a benefit or consequence to weigh on why we should not bear false witness.

You see by example let us examine several scenarios. If by chance, I listen to a man who claims to have wisdom, yet it would appear he has an air of pomposity  as he teaches, it makes it almost hard to hear the message for the attitude present can take one by surprise, and in that process one could miss the message. The attitude could make one think such a person is espousing false beliefs and bearing false witness in the wisdom spoken just due to the nature of the delivery of the message. However if one explores deeper and has patience, one perchance will come to learn that the messages contain truth, and that the attitude mistaken for pomposity was true passion for the message in action.

Like Paul in the Bible who spoke boldly made concessions for his audience, somehow understanding they may get offended by his bold speech and could possibly think he was bearing false witness, yet in his kindness for understanding their untrained ear, urged them to consider that he was speaking to them to lift them up if they would only consider the message.

Even in pop psychology, Gestalt methods will use any aims to heal a patient, from being sensitive to harsh, to prick the depths of the patient to get them to think, in order to pull up the subconscious motives within the patient to get them to look deeper into their internal drives at the impetus of their actions, all in aims to get to the source within them that is causing them to act in certain ways they are seeking absolution from, or just basically freedom from. For if an individual operates at the subconscious level, not fully conscious they may err in being a false witness of their own self, and that has the potential to cause great harm, as chances are they not only see their own self falsely but could err in the messages they receive of others and give of their selves to others.

To discover awareness in one’s conscious self to stop allowing unconscious deep seated things buried in the psyche to no longer have power over one’s own actions is a meaning embodied within the message to not bear false witness. The wisdom lies inherit for the doctor to evaluate the needs of the patient and address the patient according to the needs of the patient.

So it could be said, it is that way in many teaching and student relationships as well. Sometimes a student will need a tough task master, a militant drill sergeant, a kick a boot in your ass type of coach to make you get up and practice actions with mind and thought, and purpose. Yet at other times a gentle hand that will hold you and listen to you weep, or approach your sensitivities kindly may be needed to guide one to see their truth of purpose. Harmonious consequences of one’s internal, external, worldly or spiritual purpose will not be found in bearing false witness or heeding a false witness.

Now, why perchance am I referencing limited considerations in these matters? I need to be mindful to take accountability if I falsely accuse someone to rectify my wrongs immediately, as I would tend to think we all should too, as to not be found guilty of bearing false witness of others. I tend to think we also need to be mindful to not believe that all manner of spiritual notions, or directives from those who appear wise,  are prophetic truths, or are even grounded in universal truths, so we do not accept false witness accounts, and go on to perpetuate falsehoods. If we wrap our beliefs around false notions, we may be led into a realm where the testaments or accounts we give of ourselves or of others are not grounded in truth, and hence are blatantly false narratives. I tend to think we all could benefit by taking accountability for searching these matters that encompass so many day to day actions in our lives, so as to not be representing a false representation of ourselves, and if we find we err, we must consciously take steps to eradicate these false narratives.

Not only in a mindful process, of uncovering where truth resides from those around us as we peer beneath their veneer, we must be very careful we are not standing behind a facade ourselves. That is where we need to become our own tough task master, and coach to become diligent in our training of mind and thought. Our thought influences our actions and ultimately shapes our purpose.

If we reject wisdom, and fail to listen to the message contained in such wisdom to not bear false witness for these actions have consequences, we miss an opportunity to learn to be more authentic with our own selves. Some build up walls, and granted there are times there is a need to wear a suit of armor, as to not get caught up in the winds of all manner of doctrines, we must however not dismiss things blindly without thinking matters through,  for that too could lead us to harden our hearts and our ears to the simple multiplicity of the message, and more importantly to our true selves, where within us we bear false witness to who we are within, we are meant to discover. In a process to make sure we are not creating a false doctrine of self! Even in the observation of those who bear false witness, there are lessons uncovered, and some times it very well could be the truth of our own selves we will recover. Can you see again with the innocent eyes of a child, your self, before you came to be who the world told you to be? Perchance you could then see a true witness of you.

 

I wrote Momentary Awareness, regarding the wearing of masks, and we all have done so. Even in Marketing analyses the notion of how to sell products takes into consideration the perceptions of the consumer’s real self, imagined self, and ideal self, for we all tell lies at some point or another in our lives to ourselves, and in that we bear a false witness to others of who we truly are. We must be brave enough to eradicate these blind spots from our consciousness, to become fully cognizant of taking responsibility and accountability of who we truly want to shape ourselves to be, so we truly can go forth and not present ourselves falsely in our affairs, and in that process by example we can show others how to do the same. Whether they take notice or not at a conscious level, their subconscious is taking it all in, and hopefully over time more and more individuals will learn to not bear false witness of others, and most importantly not of themselves to others as well.

 

Something so simple, yet in complexity to not take responsibility to not bear false witness could have the potential to affect the lives of us all. Be wise as serpents, yet gentle as a doves. For one must be aware of false prophets, and teachings, and doctrines, even the ones they create for themselves. I repeat this theme to drive the point to sink into waking awareness, for it is something to become extremely mindful of even in one’s sleep. Think about that!

 

The human experience is full of matters to consider, and often we seek answers outside of ourselves, especially in Western culture, yet in some cultures the young are taught to think, and meditate on thought. Yet in the West some say that is wrong, yet if one thinks, one will find the answers are always buried there somewhere within oneself, if one seeks the source of his being with all dedication of purpose and thought. Then as one matures and comes of reason, one can then begin to see the meanings behind the messages of the prophets, for verily it is said, you shall know a prophet if his words be true. Thus be true, in all you do. Do not accept false prophets, nor become one by accepting who the world tells you to be and what to think, when in the end you will have to stand to face who you are. Be not a false witness to yourself for that is the message to consider, all the while realizing too, one must consider the messages coming to us from all around us for we do not live in a vacuum, thus mindful we need to be, to seek the truth of what is before us with all due consideration of purpose.

Lastly, do not accept the things I say at face value, search them for yourself. For I am after all a human, prone to mistakes, yet ever searching and learning, may we all do the same. I hope to eradicate my own untruths, blind spots or whatever you want to call them, illusions of delusions in hopes to find the truth within me of who I am, and where the truth is around me, in hopes to find who I am to be, for in that is my purpose to become fully conscious and to not bear false witness of myself, or of others.

So, hence, I think it can all be summed up in this: When we bear false witness of others, we  become a false witness ourselves! No matter which doctrine of thought leads us to this realization, it is the message that holds value for consideration.

 

1/3/2018

Note: Why I put a picture of the history of religions, myth and mysticism, is due to the fact these histories have definitely shaped our human thought on implementing wisdom in our actions, and so many think these doctrines contain false narratives as they think the one doctrine they subscribe to holds the only valid truths.

It is interesting that we should be mindful in the world of today that current religions have similar and often the same root religions. In fact, scholar Seyyed Hossein Nasr has many books quite interesting and extremely complex to read, where in one he asserts that the religious ideas of our forefathers were influenced by Ishraqui (Shi’ite) belief systems that led to doctrines of illumination-ism. He also asserts that even in Islamic belief systems ideas of mysticism flowed in and out between the two systems of Islamic thought where hermetic and perapatetic thought is woven throughout both but often elements of each are rejected by both ironically. I don’t say this for contention but only in consideration for this author’s opinion based on his research.

I have a few of his books, and the histories are complex, almost as if trying to understand the generations in the beginning of the Bible. Yet interesting in the New Testament, we are somewhat instructed to not get caught up with genealogies, yet we are told to look at the lineages as well. Could it be the message….that is the most important thing to consider, and sift for truth? Yet, should we also not be mindful of the history of “disciplined thought” that has shaped the tenets of so many belief systems to see where they have unified and repeated threads, for universal truths?

 

 

 

Savannah

SavannahCollage

In the midnight

of the garden

between good and evil

the thunder came

and fragile was she

as she was born

not of me

Yet that name

had I another

picked out you knew

from listening to that

skylark sing

But through ministry

the name she chose

and to the desert

witness she

came forth

Your seed not of my womb

no more

for our seed such a travesty

you betrayed

& when I spoke out

I was laid

from your mansions into the street

to find my heart

my choice

my feat

while you sit on pedestals

built on lies

yet underneath it

our child lays

to hold you up

to spare you

facing your disgrace

Yet it dawns on me

perhaps it was meant to be

another seed to be not of me

For did I bring this dark to bare

Or is it that the street has light

& within your walls it’s dark

Maybe she’s your ray

from the storm she came

And maybe, just maybe

your change has come

1/2/2018

Skylark song…

Note: The song Skylark by KD Lang from the soundtrack of the movie shot in Savannah, Ga. I tried to find a live version of her singing this and could not. Linda Ronstadt however does a beautiful version of it. But when I watched this movie, I loved the beauty in the scenes of Savannah Georgia, not necessarily the content of the movie itself. Although I love Kevin Spacey as an actor; sad that he just got hit with his own potential dirt in the face. Nonetheless the song apparently has been recorded by over 63 various artists to include Bobby Darin, and I found it beautifully mesmerizing when I first heard it watching this movie.

Note to self: significance of lyrics discovered on searching the song…to add if I weave the narrative…It is all in…the name….!!!

Road Blocks

Elephant in the middle of road

My life is a continuous road block

These stops to make me see

The things that I should cherish thee

These necessary delays to become free

 

Road Blocks Revisited in Iambic Pentameter

 

My life is a continuous road block

These stop-pings are making me wait to see

Things I should cherish so unselfishly

Necessary delays to become free

To understand how to unlock the clock

 

To become unbounded by space and time

To walk in light and speak wisdom forthright

In faith removing barriers in sight

These stupid animosities that kill

Equipped with the knowledge as I stand still

Fear to stop the first step to end its crime

(Note first part read last)

Written in 1997

Protection

dove of peace watercolor

Keep away the meddling minds

Dirty little secrets they try to find

Little do they know

How they hurt themselves so

For the destruction they cause

Will turn upon them without pause

Lord protect their hearts

Deflect their darts

May they become wise

And cease to despise

Let their covetous and envious deeds

Be unfruitful seeds

Let the sharpness of their tongue

Go into the Earth as dung

And come out born anew

So that they may find you

Let them waste grace not

So that they may not be forgot

My Lord have mercy

For their souls are thirsty

Release them of fear

Make their hearts dear

To be open to love

To represent the peace of the dove

Written in 1998

Embraced

Embraced

Armstrong Redwoods, 3 trees entwined

 

It’s probably better this way

that you would choose this path to walk away

in my time of need

a friend you say you will be

 

it is true that I have not been my best

As your actions and the time of late has put me to this test

so often I struggle to remain cool

Always frustrated by emotions that pull

 

I know my attitude has been somewhat crappy

The reasons for this are neither here nor there

As I alone remain accountable for my words and acts

 

An interference with our plight to be happy

The blame the universe will bring to bare

Upon the deeds of each based solely upon the facts

 

I know my goodness

I know my cruelness

I know who you are

Just as you know who I am

 

The love we embraced

Met its time and space

And what will be remains unseen

 

If we will be again

Or just a memory

We live and love

Independently searching

To meet interdependently

The one who will nurture our soul

 

You touched my soul

And you touched me deep

I know it can happen

Thank God and you for that

Maybe in time  I will find that and tranquility

And maybe in time you will find what you desire

as for now time will tell what will become of our fire

May 29, 1999

Note: Originally titled, Just a Poem. Among the redwoods we used to play, until one day away I came to be a thousand miles removed.

 

 

 

Momentary Awareness

Mask of Venice

A man who cannot face his self

Is a man who lives behind a mask

Always creating his false illusions

Entertaining nothing but a masquerade

His audience may laugh and clap

But in the end he faces the dark all alone

 

Take your piety and your self-imposed superiority

And face God

Who will strip that costume you’ve been wearing

And show you just exactly who you are

 

Much better to address these issues while you can

It is much easier than you think

However it is a death that kills to the core

To face all the travesties of one’s very own soul

 

Too many hold on in self-denial

Too unwilling to plore within

Fearing the pain the truth will bring

Too blind to see liberation on the other side

 

I too have died a death of self

I too clung to my lies and deceit

Yet in the end, I had to face myself

The truth did set me free

Yet in that freedom is the right to choose

And the struggle continues to keep the masks

That were so enticing to wear buried in the grave of history

 

Honor, respect, charity and sensitivity are easy marks

That many take for granted and do not know the power of

In humility I will be taken advantage of

Yet in the end, I pray that I will be in complete surrender

To the workings that the Lord hath destined me to live

 

[Let this momentary awareness become so intrinsic

In everything that I do

So that love will shine

And the ego cannot come forth from the darkness it always brings

And to be strong enough to keep the masks not on my face

And to be able when I fail to put them back in their proper place

And to acknowledge my failings and live in truth

And may I not wield my knowledge of the truth in ways that my Lord would not have me do

For all and all I am nothing without his grace and mercy

As I have sinned and gone astray my share countless times]

10/14/1998

Note: I took my time thinking about the meanings within the passages of the Bhagavad Gita as I read it. I had been introspecting for months, and had found myself extremely depressed for almost 2 months prior to reading the English translation by Eknath Easwaran. When I finally finished the book it was like a light bulb went off in my head, I felt completely free and liberated from matters that had weighed me down, the defenses I had over my mistakes in life. It was as though the ego fought tooth and nail to not let me face the truth of myself. Yet, when I did, I found liberation. There was a complete shift in my thinking. I came to understand the illusions at play in the field of Maya, and stepped outside of them. Also scripture references that came to mind were 2 Corinthians 5:17 and Colossians 4:6. (Reference to piety was to an individual that was partly behind the inspiration of this piece.)

I must also add that when I speak of deceit, it is often its subtleties, not intentional malevolent acts, yet the actions born of unconscious awareness for the magnitude of their potential to reign negative consequences; often manifest in retrospect we affected in our actions to either accept responsibility for or slip into the oblivion of denial.

Castles in the Air

Castles in the Air

Building castles in the air

On the wings of love

I’ll be there

 

God in mind

And love in heart

Hand in hand

 

What do we find

Never to part

United we stand

 

The shield to our avail

As the winds gust

All pain and evil

Turn to dust

 

In your command

I land

In destiny

 

In the arms of peace

The shelter

Of the flow

 

The river is me

My garden grows

We are one and all

 

Lest we drown

Lest we fall

That shall not be

 

The gift of love

A life raft to all of us

Thrown to us from up above

 

The forces and the powers that be

Enshroud and encircle me

The angels up high who fly

Rain peace and serenity

 

To be the current of love

To honor all that is

To pray for navigation

To stay on course for all eternity

 

To bloom

To see

To flourish

Into immortality

 

Building castles in the air

On the wings of love

We shall be there

 

Glorious in our light

Victorious in our plight

Shadows of the past

Are left alone to fast

 

To become innocent and pure

The bliss of an eternal rapture

In death lurks the vulture

In life lives the scripture

 

One for all

And all for one

Heed the call

 

All in circle

All in rhyme

All divine

All in time

 

The circle

All merciful

Will repeat

Death to defeat

 

Building castles in the air

On the wings of love

Who will be there

3/14/1997

Note: When I say in death lurks the vulture, it is a multiplicity of meaning…to face our sins, to go from denial into repentance makes us feel like we are dying at times, and there are forces who don’t want us to wake up and accept that we have failed, these forces are like a vulture to the needs of our soul. For we must face our sins, and repent, in order to ever have hope at atonement, and absolution. If we fail to take this task on, and truly walk in actions of repentance, we fail to see what taking on the new creature is when one believes he is saved. In salvation, is ultimate grace, and even though it is not solely by acts, our actions can potentially nullify our salvation, hence one needs to be mindful to truly go forward and sin no more. Hence, in life, lives the scripture, for it is the WORD inspired by our Creator and given to us as a guide.