Douleur D’amour by William-Adolphe Bouguereau

Outside it is raining

Inside my thoughts are pouring

 

The agony of life

The pain of a new love

A spark in the heart

of a committed wife

To fly as a dove

To end up in the dark

 

Insatiable desires

Unreleased, unrequited

Like a blossom

That wilts and dies

 

The fire it builds

The rage the heart feels

At being nothing more

Than an animal driven mad

 

Locked in a cage

A bird so sweet

Tweet Tweet

A reptile so still

Until a sting from a whip

Is delivered into the air

A tiger so fierce,

it claws it, gnaws it

The flesh

It’s driven insane

So wild, so out of control

 

The passions to be bridled

The heart to be tamed

A willful constraint

In order to sustain

all that was and still is

 

Reluctant to change

The insanity it rains

Nothing remains

All is new

 

The veil of stupidity

Slaps me in the face

And all for what

 

The thought of love

So childish, so coy

You can’t have that boy

 

Grow up my dear

Death is very near

Don’t need to rescue

yourself from it

 

You can’t consume it

It consumes all

 

Light and dark

It’s up to you

Which path to choose

 

Paradox in between

Is that where the truth is

I see truth everywhere

 

Do I dare

Yes, I dare to dare not

Is life not fair

Ask a victim, ask a survivor

To live, to live

To die, to die

Always these thoughts present

To walk in the shadow of death…

Death of what

Of me, of you

Of relationships

What’s new

That’s what

So painful, but change is good

 

Reluctancy always stiffens

The spirit wants to flee

To run and play

 

But instead it’s trapped

 

By will or intellect

Surely not the heart,

yet it is the heart that

is protected

 

Protected from what

From you, from me

From the who’s who

In my life

 

Must protect from their

little knives

 

They poke and prod

With their wills and their mights

 

Their eyes as daggers

When all is not well

 

Not well with their souls

to be sure

 

No control, they’ve given

It up to someone else’s beat

 

They still will never understand

Their defeat

 

I guess that’s why I sigh

I am a willful

defeatist marching to

Someone else’s beat

 

Sometimes I dare stray

One day, one day

 

Until then I’ll be

Locked in a cage,

but I have the key

When I decide to let myself

free, I will fly

 

To soar

To end up in the dark

I know it’s coming

I know it’s waiting

The fear of self discovery

 

Not to venture into

the darkness all alone

To wonder if I’ll ever

Be able to pick myself

Back up – Never to know

 

This is mostly about me

And yet you

Something we all must

go through

 

For me, my choice is

For my values

 

To stop accepting

What I disdain

Somethings are not true to me

I am sick of detachment

 

I’ve been touched

I have felt myself breathe again

The pain exhaustion brings

To let it all out

Unleashed upon someone pure

 

I regret that I am saddened in my relief

 

I sit here and dwell

I am afraid I’m not so clear

As to say whether this is good

or bad

 

Self absorbed

So foolish and yet so necessary

I suppose

 

Damn it

Why can’t I have

What I want

 

Written in the Spring of 1996

Note: a combination of temptations along with past and present events start to unfold