He told me do not jump into the water to save another until I was tethered to my beliefs. The person drowning will pull you under trying to save their selves. I was told I was not ready.

I exclaimed, how could I not jump in to save another if I see them drowning? I believed in by doing so, divine grace would intervene and get me to shore, whether on an island, I would find dry land. I also felt that if I died to help save another then so be it.

Well, here it seems I have dived in once more, trying to help another find the air of life, and in the process I must admit, I may have needed a life raft myself.

To no avail have I saved myself or another for I have set myself adrift into uncharted seas drowning in the realization when principles are compromised, hope is tossed to and fro.

Yet too, perchance he will never know, it was he who saved me.

Shall this be a temporary reprieve, or shall it last…at present on this island alone, as he swims in the currents being tossed amidst the waves of his destiny.

Shall he ever find truth, perchance he shall find me, and thereby be blessed for the time he gave to set my feet upon these shores.

8/3/2017

My life will never be the same again

Torment between freedom and flesh

Mystical emotions well in me

I know this cannot be

A constant struggle between you & me

Fragments trapped in my mind

The evil restraints bondage brings

A riff and a raff and it brings it all back

I cannot escape

I don’t even try

I just let it go by

Pass it off to another day

Another place and moment

in time

Innocence lost

for shame

Time to play

Oh no

Time to pray

Confusion inside between the flip

One sides up

& the other sides down

Religion abounds inside of me

Whether it be light or dark

The spectrum sparks

I will never forget thee

as history unfolds

As days move on

Time is gone and time is spent

Often thought

I wonder here

I had to go

Away you know

To a brighter day

A Higher Path

A Harder Place

What motivates

Universe dictates

In time we’ll know

Heaven’s is good as gold

Commitment fright

Blind untruths

Had to block the demons

That kill, destroy and debilitate

Attack the spirits in our soul

Spin us around &

Make us fall down

Dizzy for days

Reason makes us feel smart

Rationalization the rule

The devil is cruel

If you ever got away

You could see the light

and warmth of your soul

Childlike in form

Inside you at birth Christ is born

It is up to us all

Whether we live or we die

God is light, Light is energy,

Energy is matter & Matter is Man

Just as a plant turns to the sunlight

to grow and be nourished

so should we

We need light & God is Light

Can you not see…Let the heathen be

Warn the wicked of thy ways

If they do not listen

Shake the dust off your feet

Even Ozzy O*burn says,

“Day after day, I watch

love slip away”

Like I wonder why

Totally obsessed

Misery loves comfort

and that’s a fact

Remember, John Milton’s

Paradise Lost

Think about How

it might have been

Written in 1989 Inspired by observing someone into esoteric philosophies and several cultish metal bands, he was friends with. I read a few things around that time, but gee, even though you see through the crap, it still scathes the mind a bit…it’s not like you can forget some things you read. This writing was an admonition of sorts…

Here I am again

Shotgun in my hand

I don’t think you quite understand

Here I sit

In my anniversary dress

candles lit…

orchids in bloom…

wine to share…

Curls in my hair

As I stare – across this empty room

Where is passion

Hark romance

I do not hear

Things are not so clear

Yet life is very dear

Fleeting year by year

Merry Christmas

and a Happy New Year

Have a drink

you’ll have good cheer

The drum beats on

The days march on

Spring will soon be here

Could this be cabin fever?

No room to care

But the place is full of me

At least that’s who I want to be

Eyes that glimmer

A smile that sparkles

Yes, I still have a treasure

buried deep within my heart

When it’s time

My mind will unlock the key

For now, I guess I’ll just

have to keep it for me

Since no one wants to

share theirs with me

Blood for blood just like boys

Nicking themselves, so intense

A leave from common sense

They want to be one

Is this new

Is this old

What’s the difference between

you and me

You have grown

and I am no boy

But my bloods just as thick

I’m not asking you to prick your dick

as some ancients do

I know we’re different

But I’d like

for the two of us

to try to be alike

For now we’re so apart

It’s hard to meet mind

to mind

Heart to Heart

To find the time to unite!

Dressed Up & no where to go

So I write

Goodnight

Written in early 90’s

Note: Shotgun metaphor for wine glass

The bottle of wine

I bought to drink

Is half gone now

For I chose not to think

I may drink it all

But that’s okay

For I feel no shame

Because the words I write today

Will bring me fame one day

Maybe you say

That’s a fantasy

But how do you know

Which way I’ll grow

When you are not here to play

I have eaten

half the crackers in the box

Made of wheat

Soothe my palate sweet

Sly as a fox

That’s what I am

For I know I’m not complete

For everything’s a half

And a whole is obsolete

In vino veritas

Is what they say

Maybe I’ll find

The truth one day

Face the fact

That you can’t play

You’ll come back

And find your way

You know it’s true

Your feeling blue

When that feeling hits your heart

You and I shall never part

Bottle of wine

Makes me fine

I don’t whine

Cause I don’t mind

That you won’t find

What I know

And that’s the way it goes

Written in 1989

Withdraw not your fire

Keep alive in me your spirit burning bright

For I owe all my hours of solitude

In love with you

For my Love my God saw

my tears

&

you delivered me

I thank my Lord my Savior my God

For without you I have nothing

& truly I will be nothing

w/out your love grace mercy & eternal

forgiveness for you see in me all

my potentiality and forever will

I aspire to your noble truths

& principles to incorporate them

4-ever more

Amen

Early 2000-2003

Say something sexy

Say something sweet

Be wet and wild

bring me to my knees

Walk like a lady

Purr like a cat

Mean lean and leggy

Saving all your treats

Victorian fashion

Eye full of passion

Press on my face

Your french lilac lace

One embrace and my sex is on fire

What’s your hidden desire

I’ll take you higher

Skin like a rose

Take off your clothes

Your face is a flame

No need for shame

Say something sexy

Say something sweet

Play my game

Say my name

Don’t look away

Look in my eyes

Hear what I say

Heart full of grace

Take off your lace

Show me your flesh

You smell so fresh

Hot blood boiling

Sizzling juices

Mix one by one

See my love

Love can be fun

Wet and wild

on my knees

Blow out the flame

Remember my name

Etched in your heart

Never fear

We must part

Wind blows

I’ll be here

Moon glows

I’ll be near

Left with a memory

Of a night full of heat

When the sexy and sweet

Swept me off my feet

Left wet and wild

Begging for more

I lay on the floor

Waiting for you

to come knocking on my door

Saying something sexy

Saying something sweet

Blowing me a kiss

Giving me a chill

Feeling such a thrill

When the wind surrounds you

Your body will melt

Close your eyes

And I will be with you

We’ll sing a lullaby

Dream my girl

You have the world

Goodnight sleep tight

Kiss the breeze goodnight

Written in 1989 (fantasy piece)

Why do we torture ourselves

I’ll never know

We want so much the same

Yet, we never seem to agree

What can it be

A mistaken identity

In you and me

We are so bound

By power plays

We both could never be free

If one is free

One is chained

Tortuous Treasures

We seek to find

We think these material

things can set us free

Prison exchange

one for another

Bondage of a soul

A clever goal

Not always knowing

But always a completed feat

Give and take

So very true

But what is given

is forgotten

And what is taken

becomes lost

Time to change

For two to fly

Surely, one must not die

All I can do is try

Written in late 80’s

If one is not truthful

How can one’s soul thrive

amidst the pollution of lies

Now to speculate…if one is so removed

from their heart, if lies do not seem

to consciously appear to erode the soul by guilt

then one should be alarmed by the cutting off of their own heart

Such a one wonders why one does not feel at the heart level…

Is the pain of remorse too great, or is the angst at feeling nothing too great?

All that’s left to appear is despair & wishing death

Is there any ability to return to heart, by way of truth?

Why such willful blindness to ignore the truth

to do so kills

Can’t one see

the truth

does set one free!

Written between 1996-2006