Absence

sanctuary of truth inside

Hope it can be a long road

a trial and a testament of faith

a belief to be actualized at some point

we carry it with us

often tuck it in at night to let it wander in our dreams

a sliver of light

oft when we search amidst the shades that pale

blood letting in its quest at times

to be so entrenched in desire

to hope

a life to live full it seems

keeps it in its sights

yet when it is gone

like air from flight

popped into shattering endless breaths

until a new horizon dawns

Hope in my heart

like love to give away

dancing in manifestations

of imaginations

realized bringing delight

yet when it is gone

dashed it slips

and flees into the breeze

of broken endless seas

and tireless needs

never to be met

except in a mad man’s dream

and when the slumber is complete

he awakens where hope is not and screams

a silent eternal cry

and there is no amount of wondering why

other than to accept

it was not meant to be

there can be no erasing of these scars

no mending of rectifications of my life

yet it stands

sight unseen

10/21/2018

“Truth shines even in its absence” – Shri Prashant

 

Blather…speak it not

warmest part

The blather speaks

points fingers at the broken

makes assumptions that they are worse

in projections of its brokenness

throws energy in the mix

took aim at children

how trite

the blather thinks it is funny

to poke at lives

Blather baits to its own fate

moments of brokenness written

where nothing broken is kept inside

it is a truth that cannot hide

10/20/2018

 

in my moments of brokenness I write

and when the ink is dry, there is nothing broke left inside…

 

Utterance

lillian gish and ralph forbes

Why do people not speak

They don’t want to lose jobs, respect…the capacity to care for themselves

not to wear a scarlet letter forever

for a mistake

where help is not found there

when it is all deemed to be an atrocity

that cannot be fixed

limiting in thinking

and sweeping in its consequence

that forgets

the innocence found within us all

to learn to correct ourselves

if but given a chance to speak the truth

without shame

for its greatest consequence is its utterance

for there within one owns the blame

Aye, he to cast the first stone, casts it at himself…

its a truth we all must face

10/20/2018

the truth is like a catcher’s mit

the universe throws it back at you

it’s a boomerang effect

some call it karma

this is swifter

in its immediacy

barbs stick not

on the pure of heart

take aim with the truth

lest an arrow splinter back into you

Darsarna

tiger

I love you

I am sorry

Thank you

I am missing you

I want to call you

text you

send thoughts your way

then I remember how you told me

I would be screaming your name as I faced the fiery gates of hell

The irony is, I know you were always wanting me to do well

pushing constantly for my surrender

and to the Lord I kept it safe from your keep

Picked up gems of thought tonight

started reading about the colors of music

the dancing of light amidst the sounds

the frequencies and the cadences of your spirit

calling to my heart

knowing within

to speak again

will be another chagrin

of my underpinning

as I attempted so many times

to fit square pegs into round holes as you would say

to my hard headed ways

yet at times too

at the razors edge I stood

or perchance laid

the season of the spirit calling

to sit at the well once more

yet so long it has been

to build back my strength

to forbear my breath

yet is it strong enough

I wonder to set sail

alone

where to

into the abyss of nothingness

without a master teacher to guide me

my choice or is it just the way

the path a destiny

foretold

when you were asked

what if she is not ready

what will you do

and now if I am ready

what shall I do

leave it all behind

with only but love to guide my journey home

in letting go

there is no separation of mind

for so long on every word I hung

it takes time to see

that which one believes

sending out my apology

in each waking and sleeping breath

to be so thankful for each step of pain

reminiscent of ecstatic lifting of the life within me

transcendent, ascending, descendant

shifts that pass through

temporal entanglements of mazes cast before me

to step aside ethereal

to not be ensnared too  long

trans-formative emeshments

perchance of cosmic twins

is there ever a severing

to the chords unwound

through the distance of aeons

when I refused to utter the words of your commands

distant memories

warnings and forebodings

in spite

yet sounds around midnight in the garden

and in the morning rose petals found on the ground

amidst the bones on the rocks

too much to ponder how those events

took shape

to chasten me

I could not be caught in those traps

at least that is what I thought

yet now I wonder if those were laid

to cause me to run away

into a place where love is not

for fear and love cannot coincide

did some force drop

stumbling blocks to trip me up

yet what is, is what is salt on the ground

and in my dharma is the acceptance of the suffering

to be so blessed

to sit at your feet

to wrestle at the heal

the struggle to break free

to see

my heart bleeds and fills endlessly

in silent magnitude

where all becomes manifest

in some strange way

in the stillness where time does not exist

where miracles surface like waves

that rise with the tides

and in its depths I am calm

I love you

I am sorry

thank you

I am missing you

and through jungles I shall walk

and not fear the tigers

lurking there

for I see God everywhere

in presence

no evil can prevail

10/16/2018

 

 

Into the Green

butterfly garden pic

The light it shines so beautifully

and bounces off the nature of things

the heart shaped leaves climbing high

in the breeze you can hear the birds sing

nearby on the ground the kittens scurrying here and there

the scent of jasmine left its mark in spring

yet how wide amidst the canopy its vines

the little red trumpet flowers dancing in the wind

the china doll hues of green shimmering in the rays

in awe surrounded by the stature of the oaks

in delight within the garden

my senses breathe

 

for it is the nature of the light

that carries me

creates the life

that nurtures all things

into the green

to be blessed’

with a little bit of chlorophyll

dancing in the sky

bouncing healing all around

feeling the grounding

beneath my feet

and the freshness of the air

to lift in sprites

the faeries of the dew

sprinkling love embodied

within each breath

10/13/2018

Poison

snow white poison apple

I shall speak from the grave

you shall not cloak me there

there shall be no silence beneath the dirt

in chambers it will echo

resounding the cries

you cannot bare

when it is all given back to you

how dare you

bludgeon me

and lay at my feet

the flesh

we made

as you stole innocence

blinded by your own inabilities to eradicate

pain you stake and stake

all you see now is a shadow

but in time

the light will be so bright

you will have no where to hide

and the hole you crawled out of shall be sealed

for fate shall play its hand

we shall give you our mercy

for we shall need it no more

to you the sword shall be delivered

by the fruit you bare

the apple on the vine

swings around

back at you

its time is overdue

10/13/2018

 

Another morning

queen of swords ian llanas

Another morning with thoughts pouring forth behind my waking eyes

this memory raining within my subconscious mind

I notice and wonder

will the processing ever be through

must have been fighting demons in my sleep again

to rise from the depths of slumber to ask

how could he do this

the agony of the burden

to know

what he did

it never leaves me

it haunts me

sadness in the taunting

of my flesh

to deny

the truth

never to be set free

a mother’s soul bleeds

another day of mourning

this ax grinding in me

my purpose carved to smithereens

by the lust of disease

he planted

in his deeds

benevolent I have been

to not bring shame to the name

my children bare

one day she will see

when all the wealth is gone

and I am nowhere to be found but everywhere

in my birth

for I shall not fight with flesh and blood

but mind universal

shall prevail

when truth strikes into her heart to bare

to tell her

prisons farewell

10/13/2018

 

 

Dribbling

expanded eye stream of consciousness dribbling

Dribbling back you come around again

texting, calling, and getting upset when I don’t respond

the childishness in the man it’s a bit puzzling

my dear don’t you understand

I could have called and not heard from you in days

and did I act like a brat in some rage

huffing and puffing through the phone

claiming you were ignoring me

could it be just nothing more than a fantasy

each time you led yourself astray

and now they leave you alone to brew

it’s quite clear all you need is an ego fix

should I care to bandage your wounds

when you gouge me so easily

I wince at your ploys

and observe

and always have

if it were not such a shame

it would be quite comical

but I see your pain

my ego thinks I could teach you a thing or two

yet even my spiritual nature has its limits

I am no martyr for your cause

as you invite me to your lair

that’s not a game I care to play

why do you play yourself so cruelly unaware

maybe there is a consciousness in there knocking at your heart

but your habits so ingrained have seized you up too often

and into knots and stress you stew

and no amount of dribbling will do

your heart it simmers in all you do

maybe in time

you’ll pull it from the fire

and see it is you that roasts your ass

in each conquest and piece you gain

is a loss of your own heart

that always cries out for more

when will the player see the dues paid

are a loss of soul

to be regained perchance when clarity comes into view

if ever

to rise and be one in confidence

without dimming the light of others

to just make you feel alive

what is the beast you feed

that has your mind entrenched

is it merely hormones drenching the senses

I think it is something deeper

yet can you ever bring it to the surface

or shall you hide behind vanity and materialism

to make yourself feel success

what shall you feast upon my dear

that will get you what you desire

maybe one day you shall figure it out

with expanded eyes

but come not my way

unprepared

I’ll show you the truths

to make your ego bleed

and you’re not ready to cleanse the slate

so unto yourself is your fate

dribbling in streams of consciousness

until one day you wake

10/8/2018

Where All is Not

Nothingness

When I fell in love

it was the end of me

everything

every glance, touch and breath

I gave away

and when we parted

there was nothing left of me

and ever since

slowly I’ve been fading away

no one notices

they see me

but they don’t know

my heart is gone

and again

I would give it to you

even though I know now

it is a gift you did not realize

nor know quite what to do with

it got cast aside

for something shinier

or for some perception of something better

or a belief

that I did not fit in

to your activist mind

but there was a shell

of a prankster

posing as a kind soul

just taking all it could

and freely I gave it all

and now time fades

each day from view

searching for bliss

it chases you

and into the sublime

acceptance

I become

no more upon this plane

the final blow

love took its aim

and now there is nothing left to bleed

evaporation like water in the sun

and phantoms

in your dreams

to be so high

and to fall so deep

into the abyss

I shall fly away

in a moment without wings

I’ll see you one day

when you see me in you

it always happens that way

the iconic twist of fate

into the eyes

you swim

searching for the life raft

that floated by

the imposter within is freed

with each tree blowing in the wind

the ray of light in your lens

the pen in your hand shall not cease

to make it write

an eternal quest

when all fears dissipate

and love

is nowhere to be found

but in that soul

long departed

rise and shine upon a dream now black

to be one in nothingness

where all is not

10/5/2018

Anonymity

night wish anndr pazyniuk

Who wants to tell their tales

when they scream from the pits of hell

would you see the innocence shrieking at its loss

or paint their cries with the masks of disbelief

and deny their existence

in the place they found their selves to be cast

into a chamber of a dungeon

to spare yourselves

the task to acknowledge what was done

you cannot lock them up and throw away the key

its a neural network that leaves its mark

on destiny

the survivors know it all too well

the scars inside

no matter if you cannot see

do not remain hidden

a blemish on lives

no one wants to bare

the few who stand

face scrutiny and often blame

when into the dark they walk

to bare it all

to stay silent aligns with the crime

yet when the truth is revealed

few believe

yet more and more will speak

until the silence is removed

and from the depths of innocence

the blood of pain

shall be revealed

and its echoes

shall not cease

behind the black you cannot see

what is hidden there

anonymity screams

and shatters the facade

you wear

to turn away from truth

shall not cloak

the soul

when its time is due

Ridicule not those who grieve

and come forth into the light

to be warriors of the truth

to turn away

impales the hook

into the deeds of society

if change is not met

to see the courage

to come from the shadows

and speak

for if you cannot be a protector of truth

what lies do you hide

in the deeds you do

9/30/2018