Go with the flow, and burn

underwater white dress

Sometimes I don’t want to be like water and flow to slip through hands, I think I want to be held in nurturing hands. I wonder if a fish in a small pond has a wider view of the sky than a fish in a big pond that sees so little of what is outside of itself. Not sure which is better, to be like water or to be open as wide as the sky. This may be hard to understand…but on a journey to remove ego and let whatever come and go like the water flows and to keep a heart as wide open to the winds of the sky it gets hard to be pulled into the current of the streams to begin to want and have needs to be reminded to reflect and realize life is not always what it seems. To remove oneself into contemplation and isolation one sees from wider points of view life around so magnified until one steps into those realms to become lost in wanting to belong it’s like being caught up in the winds. A longing long forgone beckons at the door of the heart where inside the heart begins to beat so hard it’s bursting at its seems to come outside it’s resting place. To remain calm amidst this storm is almost drenching for to stay hidden in the deep one never dares to feel the rain. Like water I slip away…back into the abyss of my beating heart…into the safety of the boat where no water can penetrate to navigate through waters yet uncharted….the pieces of my fragmented life….like rays of sun that illuminate a heart inside…it is my life raft within to seek the divine mind and that path to tread in seeking salvation through and beyond time to freely give all of me away in surrender to mortal constraints in glimpses of the immortality of love for in no hands it can be held but only felt. The pain of letting go of the ego is to seek to give hopes away to one day become the vessel where light shines so bright the vessel is no longer needed. The choice to hold the light or be the light is like choices to love or die. I’m not sure these notions are nothing but fleeting fantasies where in the end the denials to want end up leaving one imperiled in emptiness of nothingness in which I’m not sure I want to return to. Is this an illusion to fall into nothingness to be liberated and held by the imagining the heart of the divine holds me instead…when so much it is a divine love in mortal hands I am tempted to want so bad like a fire that rages in the heart.

1/8/2019

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