Movements of My Soul

russian artist
Will anyone ever know
Why I love you so
They may think I’m insane
They only ponder it in vain
Will you ever know why I love you
And what touches me most about you
Will I ever know
Why I love you so
And why you touch me deep inside
Here I sit tonight and ride these tides
There are few words for me to speak
I feel the tears roll down my cheeks
The cool wetness on my face
These pools into my lips they lace
The memory yearns
As my heart burns
In the thoughts that clash
Of a momentary flash
When you reached out to me
To make me see
Advising me in song
Pointing out my wrongs
Lecturing me in act
With decency and tact
On the pillow your essence
Resting in my presence
Embracing the rain
On the couch your pain
Being cold to restrain
Directing your disdain
Protections did start
Distancing your heart
Yet, loving me in spite
Of my validating might
The memory replays
Thought of yesterdays
The magnitude evoked
The gentility of your spirit
The universe spoke
And we did hear it
In being a child again
God’s heavenly send reigned in
In my faith I wavered
And questioned the definite
Doubting the Lord our Savior
Looking for the hypocrite
To blind to see
That it was me
Will the dreams live
Amidst the reality
What will it take to give
Escape to a mournful fatality
Of your fantasies
Of my fantasies
Where do they meet in heights
To complete our flights
Will you ever know
Just how you touch me so
Will anyone ever understand
Why I stand in your command
In all the pleasures and the pains
And why I love you
Will you ever know
The movements of my soul
Will I ever know…
The result of my fears at hand
The justice floods forth a hurricane
I can’t fight it anymore
Travesties too great to ignore
Killing myself in the fight
Of this foolish plight
Slaying the innocent in my path
Leaving wounds of my aftermath
My mirror is full of cracks
In the face of what I lack
What now (my name) what now?
Who am I now…
When I see that all I have been is a lie?
So many times I have wanted to die…
Hiding in and out of meekness
At times I thought I was something
But in my weakness
I finally see that I am nothing
My mother’s tapes re-play
from long ago days
You are nothing
You will never be anything
Is that what I have become?
Or is that all I have ever been?
Just an empty sum
Can those feelings ever mend?
Tears won’t help me now
In this state of broken vows
Will love pull me out
Of this darkness I have faced
The steps that I have traced
In this battle of bouts
I can no longer resist the warmth of truth
My heart no longer finds shelter in the cold
I feel again
What now my friend?
You are the wise and bold
Who took upon the role of sleuth
Uncovering the damage of my youth
And showing me my untruths
I am so lost among the pieces
Of our past and present broken hearts
Can the wash of misty ocean breezes
Cleanse my soul of the damages I impart
Where do I begin
To walk out of the sin
That I have been drowning us in
The delusions of shadows are growing old
The shades of their illusions will not cover
The blemishes and tarnishes of my deepest stains
The sunlit ray
Has pierced its way
Into my heart of cold
In order to recover
A soul of Gold
That had gone astray
Among the sighs
A new breath rises
The shackles of armor fall apart
Away from this lonely hidden heart
I am reaching out to you
Reaching within I find you
You found me
Impossible feat
From nothing
I am found
God bless you
As he has blessed me with you
9-6-1997 7:14AM EDT

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