Alive in Death

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I won’t cry, but I lie

I hold up my chin, but inside I die

The love we shared is no more

It is so hard to let you be…

My heart bleeds in despair

To realize I hurt myself beyond repair

It is hard to face

A love never to be replaced

 

The vase that is broken

Longs to hold life…

to hold water…

to hold roses again

Their beauty to behold

The softness of their petals to touch

The sweetness of their petals to smell

The sweetness of their breath

Even the thorns that sting

and draw blood to delicate flesh

 

The shattered fragments too hard to bare

too hard to witness

Too hard to sweep away

For the memory replays…

The thoughts of love

The thoughts of beauty

The thoughts of life

The breath of yours in mine

 

To unwind the chords of time

To re-write every verse

To sing the sad melody

As for today, I drown in my own reflective melancholy…

 

Will I ever…walk by walls and brush my hand slightly across them and feel the love that has pulsed through my veins and heart…ever again? Will my chest ever rise at the breath drawn in that knew what it was to love and to be loved? Will you ever forgive me, and will I ever forgive you, and will we ever forgive ourselves? Will we ever be free to know love again? I won’t cry, but I lie. I hold my chin up, but inside I die.

It is hard to face the deaths that lie before me, for they are many. Will I be re-born and witness life through the eyes of a child ever again? I hold on in hope that I can discover how to find myself within all the pain…

The joys of pain to be alive in death.

December of 1997

 

 

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