Fears ( A Contemplation)

staring into the mouth of fear

I wrote once the following:

Blossom

The flower of a relationship

if forced to bloom too soon

is like forcing a butterfly from its cocoon.

 

I was struggling with this concept of having no fear that I was being told to not have.

I did not even think I had fear, so I was perplexed. I had studied scripture for about 3 years through a Bible study I participated in through BSF, and had dwelt on this matter for a brief time in depth and then subsequent to that I would contemplate it from time to time. (Wrote “Are you Listening” and “Heaven Sent” back then.) It was somewhat foreboding reading Romans and studying it. That is when all of a sudden I started freaking out a bit about thinking how some actions can lead to derision from a theological point of view, yet in the process, I came full circle to believe if one acts with love after reading 1 John, there can be nothing to fear. I wrapped my mind and resolve around that concept, and dismissed having fears, thinking the solution was simple, just love…now of course I had not been able to realistically keep my mind in that space, for I had not even realized how fears were at the crux of some of my thoughts at the time. So, when I was being told to have no fear, I understood the inherit message, yet to be told by someone to have no fear, all of a sudden caused me to have fears, as I questioned why in the heck is this person so hellbent on telling me to not have fears, it really made me question their motives. So naturally, fears reared their head (Reminds me of Living Colour’s song….Love rears its ugly head https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-T…).

 

So this concept of No Fear spurred the following questions and thoughts:

No Fear – The struggle when detached from fear returns, could it be best to allow the fears – as they melt away – nothing is a forced will of detachment, so no later conflicts would arise? You can love and respect the tiger, but it is fear that makes our legs run. The survival instinct-fight or flight response-Stand and love the Tiger and get consumed. Is not survival based on the fear of Death?

It is a common thread I now see, for when one mentions to not have fear in speaking circles, often the very same argument to some degree comes up, where the premise inherent is fears keep us alive, and are necessary for survival.

 

Yet this is not realistically the case, it is our fears that will kill us. It is amazing how spiritual truths turn our notions upside down.

 

There is a difference between being cautious, and exercising caution verses practicing actions where from a subconscious place fears are motivating such actions.

 

YET, I still grappled with, well heck if the tiger comes at you, would that not be a healthy fear to get the heck out if its path? Then the question arises, is there such a thing as healthy fear? (Now mind you, I was being told to not have fear over loving someone, and it is interesting to note, how my mind went into survival mode as though I was being chased by a tiger!)

 

I took to sifting through scripture again this notion and concept of fear, what does the good old book say about this, especially in lieu of 1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear: because fear has to do with punishment. He that fears is not made perfect in love.

Then I stumbled in my search on to Proverbs 9:10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding, which is also mentioned in Psalms 111:10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endures forever.

 

Now that is when I opened my eyes some years after accepting an innocent notion to just have love at the precept of my thoughts. I started thinking, crap if I don’t follow the wisdom of the Lord then perchance there is something to fear??? I felt these thoughts resound in my bones, they quaked and shuddered and I went somewhat numb at the thought, of how some of my actions in life upon contemplation may have led me to now have a concern. I never feared God, I always loved God and this concept of a loving Father. (Another easy choice for me, as a youth, for I had determined that if there is a Satan then there is a God, and if there is not a Satan, there is no God, and I would rather believe in God in case he exists, for if he exists then so does Satan, and I would rather be on the winning side of my soul, by believing in God. Plus, I had decided the simple moralities within scripture and commands were just basic sound advice to follow whether one chooses to believe in a God or not. Then you have Buddhist concepts of transcending negativity, and the notion of karma, and it all seems to have a unifying thread, that our actions will manifest the outcomes in our lives, whether there is an after life or not, so why not be mindful of one’s choices, for we have in our power to create a heaven or a hell concerning our existence in the here and now?)

 

Yet, this concept of fearing the lord is the beginning of wisdom filled my being to consider. I thought in my sadness knowing my failings I was lost, and would probably never be able to overcome the human condition that led me into errors. I truly felt like the walking dead, yet in my numbness I continued to put one foot forward, and keep on walking. Yet the path is narrow, right? So many thoughts were culminating….he is the way, seek the truth, and it shall set you free…the Christos concept to examine the examples of his life and teachings, along with examining the life and teachings of the masters…what are all these gems of wisdom alluding to…considering the feet are swift to shed blood, and their feet run to evil…so many examples and sayings to consider….then I found:

 

Proverbs 3:6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

 

So thus….my journey began…

to eradicate fear, guard my loins with faith, and surrender to walk this path….even in my humility, trying to correct my stubborn ways…being mindful to not be stiff necked…

Was I able to keep my vows I made to man, no not at all, but in earnest I have been working on keeping my vows to walk the path of love, the vow I made when called to do so…

whether it is folly or not….time shows me clearly it is not.

 

It is wise to use discernment, it is wise to not have fears, yet when faced with fears, make smart choices based on love based actions, even if it means running away from the tigers in life or in your mind that will devour you, or staring them squarely in the face…slaying the dragons that come and go, one by one…holding them up and eradicating them…for it is said many errors if not all by man come from a place of subconscious fear.

 

Analysis of some writings from the 90’s

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