I love you

I am sorry

Thank you

I am missing you

I want to call you

text you

send thoughts your way

then I remember how you told me

I would be screaming your name as I faced the fiery gates of hell

The irony is, I know you were always wanting me to do well

pushing constantly for my surrender

and to the Lord I kept it safe from your keep

Picked up gems of thought tonight

started reading about the colors of music

the dancing of light amidst the sounds

the frequencies and the cadences of your spirit

calling to my heart

knowing within

to speak again

will be another chagrin

of my underpinning

as I attempted so many times

to fit square pegs into round holes as you would say

to my hard headed ways

yet at times too

at the razors edge I stood

or perchance laid

the season of the spirit calling

to sit at the well once more

yet so long it has been

to build back my strength

to forbear my breath

yet is it strong enough

I wonder to set sail

alone

where to

into the abyss of nothingness

without a master teacher to guide me

my choice or is it just the way

the path a destiny

foretold

when you were asked

what if she is not ready

what will you do

and now if I am ready

what shall I do

leave it all behind

with only but love to guide my journey home

in letting go

there is no separation of mind

for so long on every word I hung

it takes time to see

that which one believes

sending out my apology

in each waking and sleeping breath

to be so thankful for each step of pain

reminiscent of ecstatic lifting of the life within me

transcendent, ascending, descendant

shifts that pass through

temporal entanglements of mazes cast before me

to step aside ethereal

to not be ensnared too  long

trans-formative emeshments

perchance of cosmic twins

is there ever a severing

to the chords unwound

through the distance of aeons

when I refused to utter the words of your commands

distant memories

warnings and forebodings

in spite

yet sounds around midnight in the garden

and in the morning rose petals found on the ground

amidst the bones on the rocks

too much to ponder how those events

took shape

to chasten me

I could not be caught in those traps

at least that is what I thought

yet now I wonder if those were laid

to cause me to run away

into a place where love is not

for fear and love cannot coincide

did some force drop

stumbling blocks to trip me up

yet what is, is what is salt on the ground

and in my dharma is the acceptance of the suffering

to be so blessed

to sit at your feet

to wrestle at the heal

the struggle to break free

to see

my heart bleeds and fills endlessly

in silent magnitude

where all becomes manifest

in some strange way

in the stillness where time does not exist

where miracles surface like waves

that rise with the tides

and in its depths I am calm

I love you

I am sorry

thank you

I am missing you

and through jungles I shall walk

and not fear the tigers

lurking there

for I see God everywhere

in presence

no evil can prevail

10/16/2018