Let my love be a trinity

you and me and divinity

Poetic, romantic in nature

found within scripture

the commands of how to be

husband and wife

something I read long ago

it resonated to me and that is what I sought to enshrine our lives within

I was only 18 then,

speaking from the heart

video captured the private moment we did share

Times we traveled through

where you into infidelities fled

our hearts young forgiving

and raising our children

we struggled to mend

until it came to an end

after years gone by

an end to our trinity

not even sure

we ever had it

in my searching

I thought I would be free

to go on to find a love that was pure

and in the process

a man from a distant land

appeared before me

to take my hand

and in the process

things happened so fast

and before the throne I stood

asking for baptism

to initially be dismissed

only to find before the new year began

a spiritual union, baptism, ordainment and calling

laid at my feet

and placed on my crown

I thought why me

there is nothing special about me

for me to accept this notion

perchance would lead me into delusion

I wrestled in the days after

saying this could not be spoken about

but in my heart I would acknowledge it

He called himself a Master

said he had been searching his whole life for me

I thought he was weaving fairy tales

not too sure he was sane to say such things

I struggled to understand the East

as I looked from the Western point of view

countless struggles in this process

yet never ending they ensued

always me searching for truth in these matters

not wanting to be taken in by false prophets

for you see it was not too long after separation

I discovered the forces that aided me in that feat

were most questionable as the psychologist I spoke with

was working with bands and one at the time clearly among the dispersing images of entities

to be More Human than Human it would seem

I learned of these matters

after I had become free as I spoke of things

that had caused me pain

only to find this mental man was entrenched

within the teachings of the healing arts

associated with herbal-ism as well as curanderismo

I felt he corded me, and for that I severed ties

not to be ensnared with a yoke I would not wear

to then within a few months later to find myself

being told my feet would be held to the fire

and to not piss in my own soup bowl

that if I listened and learned

among the wise I could be a fly on their wall

I let those things pass through me not caring for them at all

yet taking note and wondering what he must have been talking about

you see my friend, and master, who somehow in some way

had taken me to be his wife

this was not a marriage of man

thus I failed to understand

and could not reconcile quite what to do

Amidst our conversations one day, I told him about something that had happened one day

we were talking about how there are forces in this world

I told him, I agreed, for I had stumbled upon

finding that out in a most dramatic way

At the age of 11, I lived in a complex

and I along with 4 other girls decided to play together

as they came to my apartment

where we were doing preteen things such as at the time

kids would breathe over and over several times and bend over to stand up

to find themselves a bit dizzy, a hyperventilation of sorts

I am not sure who suggested this, but it was harmless

then the girls asked what games I had

they asked me if I had a oiuja board

I had no idea what that was, so of course the answer was no

so then they suggested that we do a seance

I was innocent not even thinking anything evil of it, not even knowing what that was, not realizing what was to come

We sat in a circle of 5 holding hands

at the end of the hall with the doors closed with barely any light refracting from under the doors

In the middle we put a circular ashtray, a piece of paper and a pen

it was decided we would try to call the deceased grandfather of one of the girls to write on the paper if he was present

the next thing I know, one girl starts shrieking and grabbing at her neck and yelling ow repeatedly

We stop and ask what is wrong and she says she feels like something is hitting her on her neck, like rocks being thrown at her

we turn on the lights and see she has whelps and red marks on her neck

then we realize another girl was still sitting still with eyes closed, as she was falling back we take notice

we tried to get her to come to, as she appeared to be unconscious

we could not get her to snap out of it

One of the girls ran to get a nurse who lived in the complex

who came and used smelling salts to try to revive the girl to no avail

the paramedics were called and into my room they laid her on my bed

I and the other girls waited outside the room

I opened the door to peek in and it got closed on me, but then the nurse came out

and we asked what was going on, and she said they had put an oxygen mask on her

and as she was coming to she started saying that the grandfather had gotten inside of her

and told her he wanted her to die so he could take over her body

Needless to say she recovered, and her adoptive parents never let her play with us again

When I told this story

I was told we may have accidentally entered a circle of five

I had no idea what that was, nor do I in totality to this day

other than to resolve it to some sort of way of those who practice the dark arts

nothing I ever wanted to be involved with at all

I knew then at the age of 11 some things are strange in this world

and never would I ever agree to do any sort of thing like that again

I still cannot help but think because we had been playing around earlier hyperventilating

that may have caused the issue with this girl

however the whelps on the girl’s neck who also happened to be the girl whose grandfather we were trying to make contact with, cannot be rationally explained away

Now back to the story, of who I am telling this to,

over time he chides me to learn, and obey

yet nothing will I take at face value

always searching my truth, my foundation in Christianity

He would tell me stories of how he was close to God

I the skeptic, which by the way he says is always easier to convince

would not be convinced by his words alone

yet on many occasions I found his words and teachings

in spiritual doctrines

hence it would make me question if he really did have some ancient knowledge

For, he could speak in parables from all manner of religious doctrines

He told me he called himself a special name, I shall not utter

Yet he says, a man such as he is in legend, with eyes of fire

that could destroy others if gazed upon in a certain way

I thought what kind of crazy affinity does he have to want to say such things to align himself with?

He spoke of a place where legend had it that one such as he was buried, and no one would be allowed to stay in the graveyard of that place, for they would not come out alive (not the place and individual mentioned later, for this reference is a place not in the states).

He claimed the legend stated if another such as the one buried in the grave, was to sleep in the cemetery, and live it would be an indication that such a one bared the same designation, for rarely would any others be able to do so and survive…

Wow, it was too much for me to take, and I just left that one alone right there for the time being, thinking he was just speaking in fantasies and lore…

He would do this card trick too, I could never explain and it would tend to blow your mind!

So one day after dropping my daughter off in a downtown area at a music shop for her lessons, I decided to venture into a magic shop to inquire about the nature of this card trick, as I knew of course it could be explained some how…it had to be explained, I thought!

The crazy thing however, is all this info about the things he would tell me were causing me to have unanswered questions I wanted answers to, yet on my way to the music store I had no plans to go into the magic store. Before I shall tell you what happened, I reflect back and the trip there was strange as well. I had two of my daughters friends in the back seat of the car. I remember driving down the road approaching a light before the interstate, only to within a second or two, to look in my rear view mirror at the girls to see that I was already past two more lights, over more than a 1/4 of a mile away on the other side of the interstate. It was as though there was a shift in time. Maybe not, perchance I could have been talking and was on autopilot and did not realize I had gone through 3 lights. Yet, I feel strongly something may have shifted in time.

So, I entered into this magic shop somewhat apprehensive, yet there I spoke with Jon, and I told him about the card trick, and he said he once met some gypsies from France who did a similar thing. He went into the back and came back out to the front and proceeded to attempt to repeat the trick, but it was not the same. I felt trembling a bit, knowing that I should not be talking about these matters, yet I asked him if he had ever heard of the name, the name I was told of a designation pertinent to the legendary character of sorts I had been told about. Jon told me, the gypsies too had mentioned this name, and that he had heard of it before. It was as though I was drawing out of him more to tell, as he went on to explain, there was only one other time he heard this name mentioned.

You see, he said he lived in Maine at one time (mind you this conversation was in California at the time), and there he worked with special needs children. One day a boy got placed in his class, and the mother ended up confiding in Jon. She told him her son started having problems, but did not belong in his class. Jon said he agreed the boy did not belong in his class as well. Over time he spoke with the mother and she opened up that she thought something strange was happening. He said she had psychic gifts she had discovered as a young woman but would never use them. She said one day she ended up being courted by a man who called and identified himself with this same character name of legend. He tried to get her involved with a group who she learned ultimately wanted her to be a part of seances, and attempt to use her psychic gifts. She did not want to be a part of this in any way. She refused to go along with their demands of her, and as a result she came to think they were trying to psychically get to her because of her severance of ties with them, but when they failed to get to her, she thought they went after her son psychically as she theorized that was what was leading to his behavior issues .

Jon said she struggled for a time with this until one day an old woman in the church heard of this woman’s story, and pulled her aside, and counseled her, and apparently gave her some remedy for this. After this, the boy was fine. The old woman told her she knew of a legend of a man named Buck (also known as having the same above referenced character designation) who loved feet that had lived at one time and tried to get a woman perceived as having psychic gifts, a white witch of sorts involved with him, and she refused. She suffered psychic attacks from him, and as a result she told him when he died, she would stomp on his grave.

As I listened to his story, I trembled, perchance my perceptions nerve racking me, finding this all so unbelievable; however I found it most interesting for I had not told him about my own discovery of my own possible psychic gifts, nor had I told him about the seance that had happened when I was a preteen. He gave me his card, and told me if I ever needed anything to call him. I never have.

I did search the internet and found the story of the legend about the man named Buck, for on his grave marker of granite a heart and a boot appeared reportedly after his death. It is said the groundskeepers would polish it off, only for it to reappear. It is said the site received so many visitors his body was moved to an undisclosed location. Talk about strangeness, for the man who called himself a man of God, and also by this name, had a foot fetish too. Coincidence, over a love of feet, and a heart by a boot….who knows?

Of course this self proclaimed master told me to not speak of this matter. Certainly, that was sound advice, for who would believe such tales, for it would make me out to be about as off my rocker as he seemed to be at times. However, he did not want it spoken of, because he said it could harm people if they tried to find the location of this graveyard (not the one in Maine) the other one he told me about referenced next. He said the locals knew all too well when investigators would go there, they knew there would be a fire that night. It is said those who attempted to sleep there, would spontaneously combust. Now, if that is not crazy enough, I had to research that matter, but not too much. I have not found the location, yet I have found case histories of humans spontaneously com-busting. This world apparently has some very strange events, few ever really hear about, let alone would believe.

I shall add, I thought a friend of a friend who had traveled for 12 years as a monk all over the world visiting sacred sites may have been able to help me understand “this name”, so I sent him an email. Before he could read it he fell in a rock climbing accident, and I never received a reply. In addition most recently, I was researching translating one language to another, when on a page in their links I took to exploring a page that had some information about a place that is guarded and no one is allowed in at night. Before I could continue to read, all my pages crashed. I decided to get involved with other matters, but later could not find the page again, as my settings are set to clear my history of sites visited. I have left it alone for now, figuring perchance that is best.

Now, without going into too much more of this matter, I have had dreams come true. I have at times met people and could tell them about themselves. These matters are not necessarily a gift, for it seems to be a blessing and a curse. Thus, it is not something I really like to acknowledge, however my children know, if I call them and tell them I had a dream about them getting into situations. They now know to take me seriously, for situations forewarned about in the past have happened on more than one occasion. I tend to believe if I can tell someone about the dream before something happens, I can somehow potentially influence it from happening, especially concerning if it is something bad.

Put on top of all this, this man on rare occasion would mention if I could just honor my vows to him, and listen, and learn and be obedient, I would have the opportunity to be within a circle of influence. A counsel of seven mentioned. Nothing more did I want to know about involvement with that, nor did I even want to be enticed in anyway to be manipulated by such nonsense. Yet questions linger, about what significance any of this has, especially given the experiences told to me by Jon in the magic shop about this woman he once knew. It made me question matters, as well as have a concern if I was not being manipulated to be pulled into situations I had no interest in for they sounded too obscure for me to entertain.  I will admit, there were times he would be able to tell me things that happened in my day to day life as almost as if he could remotely view my activities.

You see, we lived on separate coasts, and our dealings were mostly in phone conversations that lasted at times for more than 12 hours a day. We did meet on occasion, but it was more a relationship, I endured at a distance due to my vows to walk the path of love, after being baptized and ordained, even though I struggled for quite some time to make sense of my choices involved with acknowledging that. (At the time, I felt a long distance relationship was best due to other matters as well.) Hebrews chapter 5, I read once, and thought maybe some are called by God and not by men, and perchance that could explain it, but who am I to think such things could ever be happening to me? After all he was telling me to rid myself of ego, and how could I then even begin to accept such spiritual matters happening to me, as would that not be a function of my ego to accept such notions? I could not honor the vow of marriage, in spite I acknowledged it did happen, not in a church of men, but between me, a minister and a Master. Was this a divine calling, I had to deeply ask myself, for if it was, would I err to dismiss it? Yet too, was this a trap to avoid becoming ensnared in as well? I became extremely cautious to not accept non truths, and as such this has led me to seeking truth time and time again.

Could there be avatars? Are there really men who believe they are a select chosen few who would work in churches and hospitals to then take their works outside of those havens into other places to help those in need? Are there men deluded in these pursuits or do such men exist who work in honest dealings and are there mysteries few understand? Are they holy men, or evil men, led astray? I could not make sense of it all, for the answers are unknown to me, other than from false prophets, I would turn away from. Thus, I fought tooth and nail anything that did not agree with scripture references I could find to back up things conveyed to me. Yet, many things did seem to hold weight as universal truths, ironically. Yet, too one could say the great deceiver of the fallen, knows how to manipulate truths to deceive the innocent. It is sort of like a caution I am reminded of to beware of wolves who come in sheep’s clothing. Yet, too I did not want to bear false witness, for if he really was a holy man, how would that bode for me questioning him tooth and nail and thinking he could potentially be full of himself? I had to resolve it to, if I was in earnest seeking the truth, not just blindly accepting matters, all would ultimately be well with my soul, no matter my struggles through this process.

Years, went on after walking away from those conversations, and I met an Indian, a Cherokee Indian. I found him engaging and together we decided to hang out on the beach. As a teen I would sleep out under the stars with one of my friends on a few occasions to awaken in the Sun, and had longed to do that again. He said, he would do that with me, and protect me. I trusted him. He was noble as he honored his word, even putting his shirt over me, as the cool breeze came in across the shore shortly before sunrise. We walked around, and ended up on the dunes, and as I sit, he proceeded to draw a circle in the sand. My thoughts went agape, as little did he know on my walks alone on the beach, I would draw out a circle, and pray, and mark it with a cross I would make from sea reeds and blades of salt grasses to be left in the middle of the circle. I felt the cross if seen by others would be a reminder to them to heed the way of the cross. My prayers were simple, and no ill thought involved. I always left an opening, for I had taken a class in Native American Indian arts, and would remember how the Navajo rugs would be left with an escape line as I was taught, yet when I researched it they call it a spirit line. It was a place the spirit could escape. So when my new friend drew this circle, I knew perchance there was a reason we had met. I do have Creek Indian ancestry, and passed this off as nothing more than an honoring of spirit according to Native American Indian ways.

What is the point of all of this? What do numbers mean? There are hidden acrostics that is for sure in doctrines. Numbers do have significance. I give account of observations and experience, yet earnestly not taking it in too much except at momentary times I would find myself curious on these matters, as I definitely would wonder about the meanings behind it all….and what was I to make of these events I stand to have witnessed? It has made me think recently due to writing an epiphany concerning the numbers in these events popped into my head and made me think…circle of 3, 5, 7, & 9’s…what are these signs? Is there any relation, or are these matters just random, and nothing more than that?

 

Circle of 3, 5, 7, & 9’s

I wanted a trinity

you and me in blessed divinity

Long ago there was

the youth of five

that made me see

there are things to flee

then energies coming after me

I ran away and severed those ties

only to be courted by a counsel of 7

if not by truth, by lies

and then one day

a native draws a prayer circle

of nine feet

and there I sat

mesmerized

realizing life is not always what it seems

beware there are forces at play

or more than that

the imaginations

of fools who try to captivate

and lead the innocent astray

Be gone from me

Be gone from me

Be gone from me

thrice

for the only thing for me

is a love divine

in trinity I seek

under the shade

of his wing

even if alone

I must stand

that is where I am

and should I make a misstep

in he will swoop

to keep me from

the sweeping of the

principalities

who would

wish nothing more

than to grab me by my heal.

Yet mindful I am

the legend of lore

upon research

the name

a footpath to a holy well

yet long ago during

the Saxon times

the King dredged out its place

perchance to hide its name

yet nearby the chalice

may be

the way

12/31/2017

A much shorter narrative of just the poetic parts (Circumlocutions of Numbers at Play)

Note: You see if men entertain evil it is said the evil forces leave them alone for those souls are already lost, yet those who are not evil are the ones the evil forces come after, and those are the forces to be aware of, to not get ensnared with. Can you not see for me, I reduce it down to simply just doing the best I can to walk a path that is righteous. And what perchance does that mean, to just discern the right acts. For I do believe most certainly, actions have consequences.

Also worthy of mention that the grave of the man in Maine mentioned, the legend told publicly is different and as such the public story has been debunked. Yet legacies of families may have it in their best interest to hide all the details, or maybe they are not aware of the knowledge the old woman in the church had, for that knowledge may have been passed down to her through her ancestors. Yet who knows? It is all a story of fantasy to me, where the minds of men will try to fill in the gaps in their comprehension by creating such tales…yet is therein a moral to be found?