Falling Prostate to Circumstance

prostate
Too many drift from one thing to the next, yet here I am
falling prostate examining the facets
tender passions flood each cell
as frustrations ride waves
cresting breaths
released in sighs
Replaying choices and responses
trying to make meaning
of what to know
to grow
Love floods, yet unrest emerges, then cynicism takes a bite
to cast away blame
yet at my feet
my acts of consequence
to overthink and analyze
through lenses multiple views
now in turn I am magnified
I look for answers
wanting to change the answers
yet they I must face
yet which holds truth
To love with abandon
seems so pure
a choice of innocence
for that I shall not bare shame
yet I must ask
what drove me
to give up
on one request
[the rune I pulled when asking if there would ever be another chance
I went to place it upright yet kept it reversed as it was set down
Abundance, yet reversed directed me to look at my will, verses possessions…]
to be loved
and to love
I obliged
for love to possess
yet I am reminded that one who loves can only be possessed of that which he loves
this cannot be forced, for none can possess another, that much I know is true
yet were actions
blurred by possessions
moments spent reminding me
of how life used to be
when I could shop
something now I do
rarely only out of necessity
It was not about possessions
it was about a life more at ease
something familiar beckoning me
to go and explore
and be led
to be a satellite
felt right
like home…
so the choice was within my will
directed by my heart to love…
knowing it was the right thing to do…
yet when pain of divisive moments ascended
it put me in a tailspin
of questioning such a fate
to know these energies
were wreaking havoc
stepping aside to be fair
as I saw attention elsewhere
my intellect thrown back at me
falling prostate
to gain meaning
as I see his heart is not with me
where to turn
to find purpose
in lessons shared
not so easy to let it all go
yet on by it flows
sifting through pieces
of knowns and unknowns
discovering new questions to ask
and new directives to explore
I saturate in these tides of emotions
that wash over me, some calm and some torrential
some useless speculations
and some pointed truths
for time to reveal
at your feet I lay
my burdens to bare
my heart to spare
8/2017

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