I’ve been contemplating this notion of living a loved based life for 22 years, and I have attempted in earnest to do so. I have been at the razor’s edge of cutting this notion from my way of being. I had to ask myself why? Was it that I was suffering burn out. But then I had to think fuck that, I love to do this, and I love to do that, what is up with my thinking? In my profession as well as in parenting it can be a thankless job, yet in my personal life I tend to think my attempts at living in altruistic ways have taken their toll on me at times. I am called upon often to give of my time selflessly, yet often I feel it is not reciprocated and that leaves me feeling at an energetic loss. I often will give endlessly often depleting my well of reserves unaware, until I find myself in a place where I suffer…feeling at times such a loss of love.  I think in the New Year, I will have a new perspective for 2019, and that is simply to do what I love, and no matter what I do, to do it with love. If there are things I find I have to do, I will shift into the heart and give it all I have got with love, for it will help shape my perspective into one of joy. I have done this often in my professional life, yet I must be mindful now, in my personal life to choose to relate with those whose consciousness comes from the heart. I must keep filling my cup, to give, yet if I give so much in my personal affairs and it becomes a drain, I must learn how to walk away with love for myself, so that I may continue to love what I do.

I used to think….be love, just love…and if you feel no love, that is the time to love more than ever, but it seems now there is a shift in my thinking to purposefully choose to do what I love. I know it sounds so simple, yet when we on the spiritual path often think of love we are often taught or accept some notion that no matter what we should just give love. If giving love leads to a loss of ourselves, and affects our ability to embody a place for divine love to continue to thrive and manifest, perchance a re-evaluation of principle is in order. This is not the same as do what though wilt, for love has conditions, and to love unconditionally principles of practice must not only nourish others, but ourselves too to be a light to those who are truly in need.

1/13/2019